Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Return of Self-Doubt

Currently Reading: Wow, how long has it been since you've seen THIS feature on my blog, LOL? I'm rereading a few Jodi Picoult books, and right now, I'm heavily into Vanishing Act. I also read Confessions of a Prairie Bitch by Alison "Nellie Olson" Arngrim (loved it! If you grew up watching Little House on the Prairie, you'll enjoy this!) and Anne of the Island and Anne of Windy Poplars by L.M. Montgomery. I own Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea, and Anne's House of Dreams. And I've caught bits and pieces of the PBS movies. So it's nice to be able to 'fill in the blanks':)

What E-books have I read lately?
-Cherished Destinies, Love Never Ending, and Blue Paradise by Anny Cook, all Recommended Reads:)
-Mistletow Studs by Amber Skyze, interesting and fun:)
-Brynn Paulin's Cress Brother books. Gentle Control is still my fave:)

Next TBR e-books:
-Yuletide Greetings, Fallen, Blood Bought, and Blood of the Wolf by Brynn Paulin.
-FU by Mia Watts.
-I also plan to reread Access Denied by Jae Roth. And I really wish I had Through Shattered Light by Tielle St. Claire. This is another book which disappeared from my flash drive, and I guess I'm going to have to wait until I get the money to re-buy it. Unfortunately, I do not have an online friendship with the author.


Insecurity.

I has it in spades.

Why?

Twenty years ago, I worked in a service agency for nine months and vowed never to do it again; too stressful.

But now, I feel as if I'm being called to return.

Over the years, I've learned to listen to my inner voice and to see clues/signs I'm on the right path. Something I want dearly but obstacle after obstacle occurs? Maybe it's not meant to be. A decision which all the pieces fall into place and action occurs? Yup....on the right path.

But sometimes I don't want to acknowledge the signs. I don't know if I'm up to the challenge. I like my comfort zone. Going back would mean increased responsibility; giving up certain pleasures; and possible failure. But if it turns out I'm good at it, it would bring economic gain and medical benefits.

Am I letting self-doubt and insecurity cloud my judgment? Investigating this new challenge posed the question about strengths and weaknesses. Twenty years ago, I was too shy to even speak up when my time card was overlooked until payday. Fortunately, once the oversight was noticed, I'd written down my hours, and was paid. Today, I'm not afraid of meeting potential readers and trying to sell my books. I walk into a conference room full of strangers, and pray I'll recognize someone. I can generally bond with anyone at the food table, to break the ice. Last Saturday, I even dared to stand up and read some of my poetry in front of five friends and four strangers. But yet, I still call myself 'shy', and a friend who was with me burst out laughing. Yeah, I tend to dominate conversations at times....next week, I'm going to try being quiet. I guess this tendency comes from never being able to get a word in edgewise while growing up. I interrupt at times, due to the fact if I wanted to say anything, I had to wait until a family member paused for a breath.

I know leadership is one of my weaknesses. I'm not a 'take charge' person. I communicate better in writing than with my mouth. I don't know if this will be an issue or not.

I wonder if they'd let me job shadow for a week? If I knew exactly what was expected of the position, maybe my confidence in myself would return?

1 comment:

Amber Skyze said...

I'm like you. I speak better with my words than my mouth.

I'm glad you found Mistletoe Studs fun and interesting! :)