Baby K had his days and nights mixed up. Daddy worked 2nd shift, so I fell into a habit of fixing him a hot meal at midnight, then watching reruns of Hill Street Blues. K would be ready for a bottle by 12:30, so after we'd eaten and the table cleared, Daddy would do the dishes while I fed K (He'd refused to breastfeed after two weeks; don't know if I mentioned that or not. Enfamil had sent me a free case of formula, which was a godsend!). We'd watch HSB, then Daddy would go to bed while I would turn the channel to VH1 and rock K to sleep. And soon noticed a funny thing.
One of the popular songs at the time was a remake of Elton John's 'Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me', sung duet-style between George Michael and Sir Elton. If K heard it at 1am, he went right to sleep for the next several hours. If he didn't hear it, he stayed awake until 3am, when VH1 played it again, with the same results. I really wished we'd had a VCR at the time; I could have gotten him to sleep soooo much sooner than 3AM!
I was also going through an identity crisis: I'd been raised in a 2-income home my entire life, and that's what I'd expected of my own marriage. D and I sat down to crunch the numbers as I approached the 12th week, and realized if I returned to the workforce, day care would take my entire paycheck, plus $20 from his. So what was the point of me working?
I saw his point, and while I enjoyed being with my little guy every day, and doing what I wanted, I felt as if I wasn't contributing anything to the household. I'd meet people, and when the dreaded question arose "What do you do?", I'd respond, "Stay-at-home mom."
Crickets chirping. Blank stares. That moment of panic as the other person realizes you have nothing in common and don't know how to make a graceful end to the conversation.
"Oh....that's nice....Oh look, I see someone I must speak to...."
This really became apparent at a friend's wedding on Feb 29, 1992 (yes, they married on Leap Year; this will be their 6th anniversary, lol!). I was looking forward to showing off K to old friends, but once they oohed and aaahed over the baby, they drifted away. And I was cranky, because D was no longer working 2nd shift, but had returned to 1st. I was now expected to get up and pack his lunch at 7am, when I'd only had maybe four hours of sleep. But that's what a good wife did, right? At least that's what I'd been told. My mom had gotten up every morning at six am to shower, do her Quiet Time, pack Dad's lunch, then wake us kids up. And after he left, I'd try to go back to bed, only to have K wake up. So I'd nap with him, but it was so hard when I seemed to get more cleaning done while he was asleep, only to have a tired spouse come home to a dirty house and the complaint, "What the hell did you DO today? The apartment's a MESS!"
I wanted to scream, "You try being tired all the time and feeling as if you have no friends anymore!", but we'd already had that conversation. I felt washed up at 25. No life; just taking care of a colicky baby and crabby husband. Something had to change.
And thankfully it did....but that's next month story:)
Great time at karaoke last night! Friends J and M joined us, and Darrell dubbed us the 'karaoke bombshells':) Warmed up with 'Baby One More Time' and the nearest table cheered when they heard the opening notes:)
Afterward, my lineup was this:
-Bye Bye Bye (N'Synch): Going to do this next week at Cheryl's karaoke, as I couldn't hear myself very well.
-Behind Closed Doors (Charlie Rich): Ugh. Taking this off my list!
-Alone (Heart): Received a hearty round of applause:)
-Blaze of Glory (Bon Jovi): This one ended with cheers from the nearest table:)
-Black Velvet (Allaynnah Miles): My power was back! Received high-5's from the other 'bombshells'!
-New Divide (Linkin Park): M didn't know I knew this one, so she congratulated me afterward.
By then, it was 2am; the smoke was bothering my asthma, and the spouse had grouched 'Be home at a reasonable time; no more of the 3am sh*t.' So I told Darrell goodbye; I was turning into a pumpkin. He told me I sounded really good that night, then B brought me home.
My edits arrived for Balancing Act yesterday, and I'm a bit confused. First of all, T's not editing this one, and she'd told me she was looking forward to reading it. Is she too busy? Or is she no longer editing? And secondly, I have to format my MS before the editor will begin editing. HUH? Thankfully, Kenzie's edits for Class Reunion came first, so I'll do those first.
Have a good weekend! Sunday I'll be doing double duty so check out my posts over at RBRU and The Writer's Evo. Cheers:)