Word Count: 1860...and I've hit chapter 3:)
One bit of good news before I launch this: I successfully faxed of my galley corrections, and I hope there won't be any communication problems this time around!
I have several married friends who are struggling in their marriages, so I thought I'd revisit the marriage vows. Before anyone sends me hate male, this is strictly based on observations and personal experience from the FEMALE perspective...I've got some male friends, and I acknowledge each relationship has its own unique situations...don't yell at me if you think I'm male-bashing; I realize love and conflict is a two-way street!
"For Better or Worse"...Does worse indicate having a permantent bad attitude, living apart temporarily, and having a serious case of perpetual car trouble?
"For Richer or for Poorer"...Let's see...richer, sure. But does it mean being jealous of my success, and not supporting me in my time of honor? I've worked hard at becoming a productive member of our community, and my time is valuable too...and no, I'm not neglecting my family by attending meetings!
Poorer...Financial woes happen. It's a fact of life. But constantly blaming me for getting pregnant? It takes 2 you know...I did not artificially inseminate myself! And all the doctor bills...kids get sick; they get injured. Get over it and don't yell at me because the insurance won't cover everything! And dentist visits are also important...just because your parents didn't take you does not mean our kids' teeth have to rot...and no, this was not a ploy to keep you mad at me...I derive no satisfaction from it.
"In Sickness and in Health"...Concerning the fact you've been close to death 5 times in the past 4 years...enough said. I've added 'pharmacist' to my endless list of jobs under the heading "WIFE".
"To Love, Honor, and Cherish"...Where does this give you the right to try to tear down my self-esteem? I didn't have to say 'yes', you know. I CHOSE you. Nobody held a gun to my head before the ceremony!
I honor you by backing you up in disciplinary actions; I feed you; wash your clothes; schedule your doctors' appointments; look after your mother. I pay the bills, discipline the kids, make sure they get to school on time, and check their academic progress.
Arguing with you gets me nowhere. I swallow my anger and express it later, in a more calm and logical manner. And no, it is not always 'that time of the month' or even PMS when I can't take it anymore and burst into tears. I carry a burden of responsibility you just don't seem to understand, and need some 'ME' time. Not as a wife, not as a mother. But as a (desirable!) WOMAN.
Honestly, love has given way to mere tolerance. Only Divine Intervention and sheer stubborness to avoid becoming another statistic can ressurrect us. I don't feel like a wife; I'm more of a housekeeper. And sometimes a single parent.
We're learning to live separate lives; however, our children need both of us. As long as the situation stays current, we can only hope to endure the next several months, and hope we don't implode in the process.
If we should happen to make it to that 25th anniversary, I propose a new set of vows:
"Mutual respect";
"Active listening to each other"
"No verbal put-downs"
"Love, Honor, and Willingness to Admit when Wrong" (couldn't resist:)
"No belittling old friends... I'll see them by myself and not subject you to our quirky relationship...and vice versa!"
Think this will help?
8 comments:
I admire you so much Miss Molly. I could not do what you do, or what countless women do.
In the known language loosely referred to english, often forgotten that just like there are individaul phrases and terms for odd items regionally. I sometimes think we forget that the same holds true for men and women. This I dare say is more forgotten by the male of the species!
One true fact the male of the human species seems best to understand is the language of SILENCE! If my personal history counts then you later (usually 3 days or so) get to quiely get to explain VOLUME is not necessay, the term money in the confines of a marriage is silently prefaced by the word "OUR" and finally...that housework and children are a mutual biological event! love ya
The fact remains...Men are from Mars!
Sometimes, AJ, I would gladly trade places with my single friends...
Sometimes I think we should forget to clean the inside of their suits. That way they find out how much true "STINK" they can throw around.
oh yea if It wasn't clear...I Understand! TRUELY
Yeah but your single friends would be busy on the day of the trade...
Counselling, Molly. Scott and I have had many rough spots over the years. We're in a good place now and we have begun counselling. It's a very good thing. It took me 12 years to get him to agree though and he's not a confrontational guy.
Have you ever waiting until he was peaceful and unloaded on him in anger? Yell at him for never being around, not meeting your needs, always spending the family's money, long days at work which take away from the family time, for getting you pregnant (careful here, cause the kids KNOW if you think they were a mistake), for being an inflexible prick? Think about it.
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