Wednesday, January 30, 2013

2013 Hump Day Hook #5

How about more of Susan from Love Weighs In?  I overslept this morning and didn't feel like pulling up a new file.  There, you caught me slacking.  Enjoy!  And visit here for more Hump Day madness, lol!

              “Rob!  Move.”  She pushed him away and readjusted her bra just as her brother knocked on the door, then entered.
             “Suze?  I heard a thud.”  Ted grinned.  “Oh, am I interrupting anything?”
             “Get out, Ted.”  Susan scrambled to her feet.  “Mom!”  She pushed past him and stormed into the living room.  “Will you tell him to leave us alone?  We’ve only got two more weeks before school starts.”
             Mrs. Best motioned to her son.  “Leave your sister alone, Ted.”
             “What’s the score, Su?” asked her older sister, Robyn.
             “Three to one, Cubs,” Susan shot back.  “Unless, of course, the Blue Jays have scored in the last few minutes.”
             “Just checking,” Robyn laughed.  “See, Ted, they are actually watching the game.”
             “Ooohh!”  Susan whirled and left the room, slamming the door to the den behind her.
             Rob had returned to the couch, and was drinking a Pepsi.  “Cubbies are up at bat, Su.  Toronto never even got on base.”  He looked surprised as she threw herself in a chair.  “What’s wrong, babe?”
             “Everything.  I will be so glad to get back on campus, and away from my stupid brother and his stupid comments.”  She crossed her arms.  “Why does everyone up here make sex jokes?  Did I miss something?  Is there an unspoken rule about college equals loss of virginity?  First that idiot John and his comments, now my own brother and sister, making sure we’re not doing anything we’re not supposed to be doing.  Even you can’t keep your hands to yourself,” she continued in a hushed tone.  “You were never this insistent in high school.”

I've made it up to Ch 8 on the self-edits of this book.  Doesn't look like I'm going to meet my personal deadline of Jan 31st, but that's the beauty of self-imposed deadlines:  They can be extended with no headaches for anyone:)  So now my deadline is Valentine's Day.

Have a good day!


Jessica Subject said...

I sense her struggle with getting older. Nice hook! :-)

Anonymous said...

College to high school is a big jump. Sad that she's feeling so pressured. :( But that's good conflict to amuse readers.

Gem Sivad said...

Growing pains. Great hook!

Sarah said...

The incessant teasing is so annoying. I totally get her frustration, and her unhappiness that the boyfriend grows ore insistent too.

C. Moss said...

Interesting twist on tension. Good excerpt!

Colette Saucier said...

Damn brothers!
And what's this with college meaning the end of virginity? I that that was a tradition for prom night. ;)

C.C. Williams said...

Great insights!

Catherine Green said...

Sounds familiar! Nice hook, thanks for sharing.

Michelle Hoefle said...

Nicely done with the frustration by her coming through. Little brothers can be so tedious! Good hook.

Sandra Sookoo said...

lol loved the frustration. Brothers are good for that.

Anonymous said...

Siblings can be such a pain in the butt. Well done!

Flossie Benton Rogers said...

Nice conflict and her impatient expression of it. I can feel the pressure. Nice hook!

Kathleen Grieve said...

College is all about sex! Lol. JK. Great tension!

Molly Daniels said...

Thank you everyone:) This was a fun scene to write!

Jennifer Simpkins said... be that young again. Very nice hook. :)