Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Installment #13 of BWSNBN....

I'd intended for this to be the final one, but then it struck me that some might be superstitious.  So tomorrow will be the final post on this somewhat loathsome book.  It's been entertaining, frustrating, and if you will remember, made me want to throw it under a passing train or shred it in the garbage disposal.  Fortunately, I did neither, but kept plodding through, and noting everything wrong in a hopefully witty way, so those of you who don't have time to read it will be informed.

So....onward with Chapters 23 and 24:

Ch. 23:
Recap:  A has gone to visit her mother (obsessing all the way whether or not C will follow her) and has just discovered, while having drinks, that C has, indeed, followed her.

Pg. 418:  Paragraphs 6 and 7 I'm not sure are compatible.  Remember, this is her POV....first she's excited/nervous to see him (my inner goddess leaps up and cheers), but then notices his eyes and shining with either anger or tension, and his mouth is set in a grim line.  But then he 'gazes warily'.  I don't think eyes 'shine' with anger or tension; 'shine' indicates happiness, in my book.  Now if they 'glittered', or indicated dark with anger, that would be different.  Esp if his mouth was in a line.  And looking warily?  If he's mad-has she ever heard the 'if looks could kill' phrase?  This just doesn't match up, to me anyway.

And she's astonished he knows her mom's name.  Duh....have you not guessed by now the man is pretty thorough with his research?  Give me a break!

Pg 419: I have to admit, I love the line 'I sound like a sophomore on amphetamines'.  LOVE it!  But then my moment is ruined two paragraphs later, when she's all a-flutter because 'now he knows I'm on my 3rd Cosmo', and later, she gets brave and orders another because 'I'm drinking with my mother.'  Again, what is she, a child caught drinking?  Oh wait....she's with her mommy, so that makes everything a-okay.  He's not her keeper, so why should she be nervous?  Oh yeah...the control-thing again back in-what chapter was it, 6?  But this is completely different; I doubt she's going to get totally sloshed in her mommy's presence.

Pg 420:  She 'mutters'?  In a hotel bar?  Then when she realizes her mother's reaction to C, her low self-esteem shows itself when she's 'bristling' with indignation that 'does Mom not think anyone like HIM would be interested in lil' ole ME?'

Pg 421:  They both murmur and whisper too much.  Also, how does she know he's bewildered, when he frowns at her?

Pg 422:  I want to slap her for her fixation on his 1st lover.  And if she's not sitting in front of a mirror, how does she know she's looking bewildered?  Can't she cock her head to the side, raise an eyebrow, frown, or say she's puzzled?  Then when he points out that now is not the time, and her mother will be returning shortly, she thinks he's mad at her.  Grow up already!

Pg 423:  What the hell is UST?  Apparently, I'm missing something.....

I'm a little grossed out by the sex scene which follows.  She admits she's on her period, and he doesn't care. But why subject us to a description of him pulling out her tampon?  And I've forgotten how long it's been since she's started The Pill, but I'm assuming, since this is basically a 'Real Time' account, it's waaaaayyy too soon for him to not use a condom.  Esp if he's 'so sure' of female cycles.

Pg 432:  Again with the Mrs. Robinson fixation?  Does she HAVE to know everything?  GEEZ!  (yes, at this point, I was ready to put the book in the shredder again...)

Pg 435:  She's being a little hypocritical.  She's grilled him about his relationship with Mrs. R, but when he asks her about her reaction to an email, she hesitates 'I hate the spotlight on me'.  Let me get this straight:  It's okay to put HIM through the 3rd degree, but YOU get to maintain 'radio silence'?  Nuh-uh, sweetheart.  Relationships mean equal give-and-take.  Swapping info, pasts, fears, concerns, etc.  If you want an honest relationship, you'd better be as willing to answer questions as you are asking them and expecting answers yourself.

Pg 435-41:  While the dialogue is good, I'm gagging at the end of the chapter when they bring up the underwear again.  She's worn his, and been commando 'while at dinner with his parents'.  I don't get their fixation on that incident.  This sounds more like what a HS couple would find amusing.

Ch 24:
He takes her gliding.

Pg 450:  Why does she feel the need to murmur 'hi'?

Pg 452:  She's objecting (silently) when C straps her in:  'he's strapped me so tightly, I can't move around to see him...'  It's for your PROTECTION, idiot!  What part of 'gliding' do you not understand?  There's a danger factor here!  Otherwise, he wouldn't have strapped a parachute on you!!

Pg 456:  She can't imagine C in an IHOP?  What is she, a reverse snob?

Pg 457:  I don't get the description of their server.  I doubt anyone's going to 'catch on' to the underlying 'vibes' of their conversation, so why does the server suddenly turn into a giggly schoolgirl?

Pg 460:  Why is her mother in a tizzy, all because C is rich?  Is she that immature?  Wait-she's been married how many times?  And has had how many jobs?  Or can't control her spending?  Maybe she's itching for C to take her shopping.

Pg 464:  She finds out she's got the job she wanted, and tells her mother.  Then gets embarrassed because her mom claps her hands and jumps up and down?  'Is she 42 or twelve?'  Can't you understand this is your MOTHER being HAPPY for you???

Pg 470:  Why the hell is she so paranoid over what she said in her sleep?    Or for that matter, why does he want to tell her in person what she said?  If it was a bad thing, then yeah, I'd be a little on edge also.  But his manner doesn't indicate otherwise, so relax already!


I had an epiphany of sorts, since I'm determined to write book #8 of Arbor U during NaNo.  Last night, during our writer's meeting, I went back through and found the latest draft, written in 2010, and I now know where I can insert the change.  I 'interviewed' Lynne last night, and will post it next week:)

Tomorrow will be the final installment of BWSNBN:)  So check back, won't you?


Carrie said...

Wow! Is the book really this bad? I can't seem to understand how it got published, lol! :) But then again, it somehow has that "Twilight" tie-in that a publisher would salivate over, lol!

Cara Marsi said...

I love your critiques. I won't read this book, yet I know women who adore it and gush over it. Whatever EL James did, she's touched a nerve with some women. Most of those who love the book have never read a romance and wouldn't read a romance so this is all new to them. Not that I'm saying it's a romance, cause it's not.

Kathy Otten said...

What I don't understand is how something so horribly written not only gets published but a 5 million dollar movie deal. The rest of us study craft, go to workshops and critique groups to put out the best writing we can when obviously the reader (evidenced by the purchase of not one, but three terrible books)is saying I don't care about good writing, just write crap and throw it out there.

jean hart stewart said...

It really upsets me when trash makes somebody a zillion. Maybe i'm small minded, but it bugs me. At least I don't have to read the damn thing now...

Janice Seagraves said...

I still don't understand how this horrible books got a movie deal.


Cara Marsi said...

I don't understand anything at all about this horrible book. We all know she wrote it as fanfic. So she had a ready-made audience. She also is in the TV industry with lots of PR contacts. One of her friends has a popular "mom" blog in NY. This friend's husband is a big PR guy in NY. Her friend blogged about it and the rest is history. I've heard that readers love the hero. E.L. did something that touched readers' hearts so we have to give her that. I don't believe she cares at all what other writers think of her. I doubt she'll write anything again. Why should she? What gets me is the women who have looked me in the eye and said,"I don't read romance," then run out and buy these books and weep over them and call the books romance. GRR.

Fiona McGier said...

Re: Cara's comment--I read a similar comment about crap that sells well, when Bill O'Reilly was talking about his latest "historical" book. He says that critics who don't like his opinionated twist on history are probably just frustrated professors who have spent their entire lives researching and writing about real historical facts, and they resent that he's making a butt-load (my word, not his) of money for "history-lite".

I know that life isn't fair, but sometimes the monumental level of unfairness threatens to overwhelm me, and I want to scream...

Molly Daniels said...

Thanks all:) This is the first time I've ever read a book with my editor's hat on. It's been an eye-opening experience!