Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Book Which Shall Not Be Named Sequel

New acronym for your reading pleasure:  TBWSNBNS (see title of blog)

First of all, Happy Halloween!  I sit here at the computer in jeans, black turtleneck, blue denim shirt with bats, spider webs, ghosts, and the word 'Boo' in orange letters above the 2nd buttonhole, and from my earlobes dangles a  white ghost sporting an orange bow, and a metal spider hanging from the 'tail'.

Now, for the post you've all been waiting for.

Yes, I 'had' to buy the second book in this series.  I wasn't going to, but a) I had several people say they've loved my comments and they 'feel' they've read the book through osmosis or diffusion (depends on if you've laid your head on the computer, ha ha!), via this blog, lol.  Now, on with the countdown-er, breakdown of issues.  Surely this book has been better edited than the first, right?  Even I got better with book #2...or maybe it was #3 that my story improved.

Sorry; I digressed.

Prologue:  Insights to C's behavior, or what possibly led to his being a control-freak.

Ch. 1
Pg 5:  Right off the bat, there's a 'murmur'.  When your boss gives you a  compliment, why do you 'murmur' 'thank you'???

Pg 6:  I can actually relate to her grieving process.  Anyone who's put their heart into a relationship, and to have it end badly, or even if you question your reasons for leaving, goes through this.  My only issue is on Pg 8, when she 'suddenly realizes' she's not touched her cell phone in 5 days.  What person does this?  I find this a little unbelievable.  Even when my own daughter spent 3 days crying over a breakup, she was still joined at the hand with her cell!

Pg 12:  She's agreed to meet C and go to her friend's exhibit.  There she goes again, 'flushing', and tying her hair so it hangs 'artfully' down her back.  I've yet to see her check the back of her head in a mirror.  And why is she 'embarrassed' when her boss holds the door for her?

Pgs 13-14:  She's in the car with C and 'whispers' and 'murmers'.  Then, she sits in his lap.  Where's her seat belt?  And why is he not concerned, since he's so 'safety conscience'?  And there are some unnecessary words....and I must have missed the part where he gave her his hankerchief.

Pg 15:  They're in the elevator and there's an overwhelming, intense attraction 'visceral, primal' as she puts it. And more 'whispers'.

Pg 16:  He straps her into the helicopter and she 'flushes crimson' when he says he likes putting her in the harness..  No mention of a mirror.

Pg 19:  Why does she feel the need to remind him that J is 'just a friend'?  This picks up only a week after the 1st BWSNBN ended, and I've yet to notice anything wrong with his memory.

Pg 20:  Is every single staff member of restaurants, art museums, etc, this giggly over the sight of C?  Yes, I notice attractive men, but I manage to keep my tongue from hanging out when I see them.  My insides grow warm if they smile at me, but as this book is in 1st POV, there shouldn't be any mention of it.  Grow up, ladies.

And why does C frown when /A asks for a white wine?  He ASKED her what she wanted to drink!

Pg 21:  Why is she suddenly 'apprehensive' when telling J she came with C?  And how does she know C is 'exchanging pleasantries' with someone in line?  Can she lip-read?  Is he standing sideways?  Or is he reflected in some obscure mirror, where she can then read his lips?

Pg 22:  How do you know when someone 'hides a scowl'?  If they've hidden it, then you wouldn't see it.

Pg 23:  A is the focal point of one of the displays.  So why is C suddenly angry?  Oh wait....another man used his woman in his photos without her prior knowledge.  Is he jealous?  From what I'm gathering, the photos are not offensive in any way, shape, or form.  Any other man would be proud to escort the model around.

Pg 25:  A stands up for herself!!  Yay!!!

Pg 26:  But then she goes all squishy and nervous when J hugs her and she notices C's angry.  How does she know he's about to have an apocalyptic fit?  She uses other words, but I don't want a Google search of certain words bringing this blog to her attention.

Pg 27:  Why does she apologize (and feels guilty) for her actions on previous page?  I think that kiss said it all.

Ch 2:
Pg 28:  He orders steak for her, even though she didn't want it, so she 'mutters' her hurt and anger?  I don't think so.  She might have 'hissed furiously at him'....and on the next page, it suddenly occurs to her she 'might have led J on' and is 'mortified' over her actions.  I'm rolling my eyes....Uh-oh....good thing C can't see me...shit.  I didn't write the book.  The 1st POV and bad writing has gotten to me!

Pgs 30-35:  They discuss why she left.  And I beg to differ here; she didn't use her safe word because she forgot; she didn't use it because she wanted to see if she could take everything he dished out!  And so why does she feel ashamed about admitting she 'forgot' to use it?  Then the supposed 'Dom' whines because of the broken promise 'you said you wouldn't leave, but you did anyway.'  I'm beginning to think he only THINKS he's a Dom.  And that his birth mom and 'uncles' scarred him for life.  He's retreated into the BDSM world in order to control everything and everyone around him, but as we all know, the heart is an unpredictable muscle, and Love does not always follow 'protocol'.

Pg 37:  He's finally admitted to being neglected.  And is 'smirk' the only word the author knows?  Someone needs to send her a thesaurus.  Or send her editor back to English class.  Or send them both back to English 101!

The rest of the chapter contains emails back and forth, her thanking him for the iPad and the music playlist.  And suddenly, I realize I like where this story is going at the moment.  If I can train my eyes past the 'smirks', 'mutters', and adverbs.  And so far there hasn't been a single word about his 'situation'.  If she's so obsessed with everything he does, why hasn't she brought this up yet?  Or did her grieving push it aside with her tears?  Who knows.....


Anonymous said...

So, has the story line improved any yet? You said you like where it's going, so I'm assuming it does.

Haven't seen any character growth yet. If anything they are regressing instead of growing.

Thanks for braving through this one too.

Janice Seagraves said...

You're a braver woman than I am. If I didn't like book one then there's no way I would read book two.


Marianne Stephens said...

You should do reviews...become another mysterious reviewer who says what she wants and doesn't hold back. I can't remember the name of the reviewer who does this and people cringe if she reviews their books...or laughs at what she says.

Lynn Crain said...

I think I'll just not purchase this series at all. I hate whispering...prefer YELLING...LOL!
Not really but it does all sound rather boring when I read your review. And to think, millions like it. Oh the shame, the awful shame, of it all.

Lynn Crain

Molly Daniels said...

@Kitty: I suspect 'character growth' isn't her strong point yet. And I'll admit to skipping ahead and reading the last chapter, so yeah, hoping their communication improves.

@Janice: Having written a bad book, and improving on book #2, I'm willing to give authors a second chance. I've only given up on maybe 3 authors in the past 5 years. Just didn't care for their writing style.

Molly Daniels said...

@Marianne: I don't know if I'm brave enough to do that....

@Lynn: I'll say this much: It's done wonders for my alter-ego's books! Women who rush up to me exclaiming how much they loved all 3 books and are eager for more, are very thankful when I tell them about Kenzie's and other authors' books!

Cara Marsi said...

Thank you, as always, Molly. I look forward to your reviews. I'm curious to know if the story gets better. Doesn't sound like the writing does. You are a brave lady.