I have many favorite quotes from the Bible and movies, but I think my all time favorite quote is a lesson illustrated by sand.
"If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't return, it was never yours to begin with."
What does that have to do with sand?
If you've ever held a handful of loose, dry sand, you know the tighter your fist, the faster the grains slip through your fingers. Keep a loose grip, and the grains stay put.
This works with relationships. If you love someone, don't try to keep a choke hold on them. There has to be a great deal of TRUST for a relationship to work, which means no checking up on someone.
THAT book, illustrated by THE MOVIE, shows this clearly. CG tracks AS's movements and everyone is up in arms, not by his scarlet room of discomfort, but by the way he TREATS her.
Yes, yes, I hear you...."But if I don't care about where s/he goes, won't that encourage cheating?"
Not necessarily. If there is solid trust between two people, the urge to cheat won't surface. You know your partner trusts and loves you, so therefore temptation isn't so readily at the forefront of your mind.
Again, what does that have to do with letting someone go?
You cannot force someone to stay. The tighter you try to keep them with you, or in your control, the more they will try to get away.
Years ago, I 'knew' my roommate and I were destined to be BFFs. But when we did meet, she preferred the company of another roommate. Instead of getting huffy, I sat back and waited for the opportunity, and it came seven months later, when she introduced me to her boyfriend's BFF, and discovered I'm actually a lot of fun in a quiet way, ha ha! Then, when our other roommate dropped out of college, that's when our bond strengthened, and we're still BFFs to this day.
Had I whined, followed her everywhere, or pulled a soap opera stunt, I think she would have done everything in her power to move out of the room....
So what are your thoughts? Yes, there is a time to put your foot down, but there's also a time to take a step back.