Which Version is Better?

I thought I'd do something different today. I've had a hormonal week, and my ramblings yesterday gave me this idea.

Here is an excerpt from book #3 in the Arbor U series, Forbidden Love. I decided the best way to judge which version is better is to post the same scene, first in its original 1st person format, and then again in the 3rd person.

To set the scene, Keri and her love interest, Kyle, are at a beach party, with several of his friends and hers. It's only their 3rd official date. Kyle is 30; she's 19. Enjoy, and let me know what you think, and which version flows the best.

Darkness fell. Larry and Christy went back into the water; Carol and Sid started kissing and cuddling. Lance and Stephanie were talking and getting acquainted, and Kurt and I began telling jokes and funny stories when we noticed headlights, then heard a shriek. Moments later, Kyle appeared, holding a corkscrew and laughing.
"They're skinny-dipping, and I kind of interrupted them," he said. "Hi Keri. I forgot this earlier." He handed me the corkscrew.
"Well, I think I'll head back,"said Gretchen, gathering up her towel and slipping on her shoes. "Steph? Coming or staying?"
"I'll make sure she gets home," Lance said, draping an arm around Steph, who winked.
"Okay," sighed Gretchen.
I stood up also. Kyle, who hadn't sat down yet, looked surprised. "I'm just going to walk her to the car," I said. "My sandals are still in it."
"Oh. In that case, I'll come also."
The three of us walked down the hill to Gretchen's car.
"I'm not sure about leaving Stephanie here," said Gretchen worriedly.
"Relax." Kyle put his hand on her shoulder. "I'll make sure she's not pressured into anything, and if things get out of hand, we'll bring her back."
His words reassurred me that I wasn't going to be taken advantage of, either!
"Well, okay." Gretchen got into the car and handed my I.D. pouch and shoes to me. "Have fun!" She drove away.
"Larry and Christy must have found a private spot." Kyle smiled at me and reached for my hand. He took my shoes and put them on the sand, then gathered me in his strong arms and really kissed me, the way he had at the park. His hands slid up and down my back, tracing the contours of my spine, and slid down my denim shorts to feel my backside. I giggled self-consciously and kissed him back, liking the feel of his hands on my bare skin.
He drew away and took off his white t-shirt. "Go for a swim?" he suggested.
"Sure," I said. I turned my back and pulled off my shorts, grateful for the darkness that his my face. I turned back around and could just barely see Kyle. He held out his hand and entwined our fingers, then we walked into the still warm water.
I dove under the water and slicked my wet hair off my face, then swam out into the deeper water. Kyle followed me and chuckled as I treaded water while he stood with his head and shoulders still exposed. He reached out and encircled my waist with his arms and drew me towards him. My breath caught in my throat; I wasn't sure what he had in mind. I wrapped my arms around his neck, but I didn't know what to do with my feet, so I continued to tread water.
"Relax," Kyle smiled. He leaned forward and gently kissed me, his tongue searching for mine. My nervousness slowly disappeared; our kisses grew more and more intense. Gradually, Kyle's lips travelled all over my face and down my neck. Slowly, he moved his hands up my ribcage until they rested right under my breasts. One of his fingers lightly stroked the underside of my right breast, and I froze. Instinctively, I backed away, my eyes wide.
"What's wrong?" Kyle asked.
I bit my lip. "N-nothing," I said, rubbing my arms.
He swam over to me. "Am I going too fast?" he said. "I know we've only known eachother for a week."
"Well," I said slowly. "I-I've never done anything like this before."
"What do you mean?"
I had hoped he'd take the hint. "I mean...everything. I-I'm still a v-virgin, Kyle."
"Oh," he began, but before he could continue, I cut in.
"So I understand if you think I'm a baby, but I was raised to believe it is a special thing between two people, and should only be done in matrimony, or two people who love eachother, and..."
Kyle kissed me to silence my rambling. "It's okay," he said. "I won't pressure you. Actually, it's refreshing to see someone who hasn't hopped in the sack with everybody she sees!"
I opened my eyes. "So you're not mad at me?"
"Does it look like I'm mad?" he smiled and hugged me close. "I'll take it slow, and won't do anything you don't want me to do. Deal?"
"Deal," I replied, hardly believing we were even having this conversation. What had possessed me to blurt out the truth like that?
"I guess this means no skinny-dipping," he chuckled.
"You can, but my suit is staying on," I shyly offered.
"No, woman, I don't want to scare you off," he said.

**************************************************************************




Darkness fell. Larry and Christy went back into the water; Carole and Sid started kissing and cuddling. Lance and Stephanie were talking and getting acquainted, and Kurt and Keri began telling jokes and funny stories when they noticed headlights, then heard a shriek. Moments later, Kyle appeared, holding a corkscrew and laughing.
"They're skinny-dipping, and I kind of interrupted them," he said. "Hi Keri. I forgot this earlier." He handed her the corkscrew.
"Well, I think I'll head back," said Gretchen, gathering up her towel and slipping on her shoes. "Steph? Coming or staying?"
"I'll make sure she gets home," Lance said, draping an arm around Steph, who winked.
"Okay," sighed Gretchen.
Keri stood up also. Kyle, who hadn't sat down yet, looked surprised. "I'm just going to walk her to the car," she said. "My sandals are still in it."
"Oh. In that case, I'll come also."
The three walked down the hill to Gretchen's car.
"I'm not sure about leaving Stephanie here," said Gretchen worriedly.
"Relax." Kyle put his hand on her shoulder. "I'll make sure she's not pressured into anything, and if things get out of hand, we'll bring her back."
His words reassured Keri that she wasn't going to be taken advantage of, either!
"Well, okay." Gretchen got into the car and handed Keri her I.D. pouch and shoes. "Have fun!" She drove away.
"Larry and Christy must have found a private spot." Kyle smiled at her and reached for her hand. He took her shoes and put them on the sand, then gathered her in his strong arms and really kissed her, the way he had at the park. His hands slid up and down her back, tracing the contours of her spine, and slid down the denim shorts to feel her backside. Keri giggled self-consciously and kissed him back, liking the feel of his hands on her bare skin.
He drew away and took off his white t-shirt. "Go for a swim?" he suggested.
"Sure," Keri said. She turned her back and pulled off her shorts, grateful for the darkness that hid her face. She turned back around and could just barely see Kyle. He held out his hand and entwined their fingers, then they walked into the cool water.
Keri dove under the water and slicked her wet hair off her face, then swam out into the deeper water. Kyle followed her and chuckled as she treaded water while he stood with his head and shoulders still exposed. He reached out and encircled her waist with his arms and drew her towards him. Keri’s breath caught in her throat; she wasn't sure what he had in mind. She wrapped her arms around his neck, but not knowing what to do with her feet, she continued to tread water.
"Relax," Kyle smiled. He leaned forward and gently kissed her, his tongue searching for hers. Keri’s nervousness slowly disappeared; their kisses grew more and more intense. Gradually, Kyle's lips traveled all over her face and down her neck. Slowly, he moved his hands up her ribcage until they rested right under her breasts. One of his fingers lightly stroked the underside of her right breast, and she froze. Frightened, she backed away, eyes wide.
"What's wrong?" Kyle asked.
Keri bit her lip. "N-nothing," she said, rubbing her arms.
He swam over to her. "Am I going too fast?" he said. "I know we've only known each other for a week."
"Well," she said slowly. "I-I've never done anything like this before."
"What do you mean?"
Keri had hoped he'd take the hint. "I mean...everything. I-I'm still a v-virgin, Kyle."
"Oh," he began, but before he could continue, she cut in.
"So I understand if you think I'm a baby, but I was raised to believe it is a special thing between two people, and should only be done in matrimony, or two people who love each other, and..."
Kyle kissed her to silence her rambling. "It's okay," he said. "I won't pressure you. Actually, it's refreshing to see someone who hasn't hopped in the sack with everybody she sees!"
Keri opened her eyes. "So you're not mad at me?"
"Does it look like I'm mad?" he smiled and hugged her close. "I'll take it slow, and won't do anything you don't want me to do. Deal?"
"Deal," she replied, hardly believing they were even having this conversation. What had possessed her to blurt out the truth like that?
"I guess this means no skinny-dipping," he chuckled.
"You can, but my suit is staying on," Keri shyly offered.
"No, woman, I don't want to scare you off," he said.

So....which one did you like better? Leave a comment, or email me at storimom2@aol.com and let me know where I need improvement!

AJ's taking on the Santa Clause is Coming to Town carol today; here's my hubby's version of Jingle Bells:

Jingle Bells, Santa smells, Easter's on its way...
Oh what fun it is to ride in a beat-up Cheverolet...


Well, it's time for me to head downstairs and watch 90210, shower, dress, and start my Laundry Goddess duties. Don't know what just happened, but I lost half of this post a few minutes ago! If I remember what I wrote, I'll come back and redo it later. Stay warm everyone!