Saturday's Stupid Saying

Weakest Link host Anne Robinson: Which German painter was famous for his portraits of Henry the Eighth? Hans...

Contestant: Solo.

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen!
Back in 1994, my bff and I were expecting within a few days of each other. My baby was due on the 16th and threatening to interfere with my ten-year HS reunion; hers was due on the 20th. I kept telling my doctor I was having a girl, and if I had to, I would take him to my reunion with me. He also knew of my desire for a girl, and kept telling me about the baby girls he continued to deliver.

"Sometime, that law of averages has to level out."

"Well level it out before you get to me!"

With my due date three weeks away, I suddenly put on ten pounds. I waddled into my appointment; told Dr. S not to razz me about my weight gain ("I brought my husband and he can hurt you...); and was scheduled for a second ultrasound 'just to make sure everything's okay.'

Thursday, June 30th, I cheated on the ultrasound and discovered I was, indeed, having a baby girl. I just couldn't keep the secret, and told my hubby that night. The next day, we left for his family reunion over the July 4th weekend.

I was miserable Saturday night. Sunday morning, I awoke with back pains. Convinced it was just false labor, I paced my MIL's kitchen....but the pain intensified, and contractions began. I was in turmoil. Do we wait and see, or hit the road and take a chance on delivering the baby in the car at the side of the road? With the history of swift births in my family, and being two and a half hours from my doctor, I was indecisive. We timed the contractions; they were fifteen minutes apart. We made the decision to leave, and left our 2.5 year-old toddler with Grandma.

An hour later, my contractions went to ten minutes. I was keeping track of the time they occurred; the intensity; and how long they lasted. We kept praying we'd make it to the hospital.

We passed the Indianapolis Airport; contractions went to five minutes. At this point, I was getting hungry and we joked that we'd arrive; be told I was dilated at 3cm, and we'd go grab a pizza at our favorite bar and grill. But when my husband pulled into the hospital entrance, we were behind a couple taking their sweet time. My contractions were now making me irritable and were four minutes apart. I made it in the door, but sank into the nearest wheelchair. I don't remember who wheeled me into triage, but after D parked the car, they told me I was dilated at 8cm.

"Eight? What the hell happened to THREE?"

"You're just going to have to wait for that pizza."

I was also concerned we hadn't called Dr. S, but he just happened to be upstairs, looking at my films from Thursday. But while we waited for him to arrive, my firecracker was determined not to wait any longer. Here's the rest of the timeline:

11am: Moved to LDR room and prepped. I apparently even ripped out the IV, so they gave me another shot. I was not happy.

11:40: D leaves message on my parents' answering machine: "We're starting to push."

11:50: Dr. S arrives, surprised to see me. He scrubs up and tells me I'm doing great; he can see her.

"Reach in there and yank her out!" Yeah, my mood was not the best at this point...someone else had taken over my body and obscenities were flying all over the place, to D's amusement...

12:10pm: My beautiful S arrives...but we couldn't agree on a middle name. I wanted SJ, to continue to tradition, but we also liked SE. D picked her up and welcomed her to the world "Miss SJ' and placed her in my arms. I looked at that sweet face and questioned the middle name.

"Whatever you want, Mama."

"She's an E, not a J."

She had to be kept in the incubator, as her body temp was having issues, and I was still starving. My father arrived as I was taken to my room, and I begged the men to go get me some food. My mom was in Florida, at a conference, so we called my grandmother to tell her the good news. Finally, around four in the afternoon, food arrived.

She missed being born on her great-grandfather's birthday by one day, but shares her day with one of my best friends. And we joke that America throws a party every year in her honor:)

So what's on tap for today? Going to the movies with her friends, a family dinner, and cake and ice cream. And tomorrow, family reunion with her dad's family, followed by fireworks. Right now my darling is curled up in her bed: She stayed up all night and went to breakfast with her daddy at 8am.

One thing hasn't changed in sixteen years: This child requires ten to twelve hours of sleep! She may have been born at high noon, but she's a night owl like her mom used to be! And in six months, she'll be able to get her driver's license.

God Bless America!