Tuesday, September 4, 2012

BWSNBN Critique: Chs 4 and 5

Ch. 4:
The first few pages were uneventful, aside from needing a mirror and a line which needed revising 'It's not like I'm beating his door down'...I think it sounds better 'It's not like I'm beating down his door'....Is this just me?

No, my major issue with the chapter is the bar scene and the aftermath in Ch. 5.  So bear with me here.

At the bar, she's had an entire pitcher of margaritas, plus beer and then states she wants to step out for some air.  K promptly asks, "Are you a lightweight?"

-If they've been friends for so long, K should be aware of her BFF's alcohol consumption and know this is NOT being a lightweight.  Secondly, if this is normal behavior, then yeah, I'd see the 'lw' comment.  But her actions belie this is anything but 'usual'.

On pg 61, the asshat hero shows up after she drunk-dials him.  And proceeds to berate her for her actions.  Really?  Is she FOUR?  And for the record, she states, "I've never been drunk before."  So clearly this is NOT her habit, and I rest my case on the above paragraph.  And why is she contrite?  And not giggling her ass off?  Or even slurring her words?

On pg 64:  Why did her mother tell her 'never trust a man who can dance'?  I've never heard this BS before.  Who wants to date a lousy dancer?  Unless you can't dance either....but I love to dance, so yeah, I don't want to get stuck on the sidelines all the time.  Give me a man who can keep up with me on the dance floor:)

Then she sees K'making her move' and seems disapproving there will be 'three or four at breakfast'.  Again, SO WHAT?  They're 23 or 24; consenting adults.  And she's 'shocked' when K moves into a stranger's arms?  Again, who the hell cares if she's just met him?  As if you're such a good judge of character....and why do you suddenly care if she's up on her safe sex knowledge?  Not your problem sweetheart.

And I really take issue with the next morning.  She's vomited; passed out; then feels 'mortified' she's in his bed, sans pants.  And yet, there is Advil and OJ by her bed, and she thinks the OJ is 'delightful'.  Seriously?  Every one whom I've asked about this is surprised she's not puking her guts out again.  And where the hell is the hangover?

And she's mad because she can't read his mind....and he speaks 'phlegmaticaaly'...she doesn't understand his anger....(let me refresh your memory; you threw up on him!)...who the hell thinks 'my medulla oblongata is not working correctly'???....and berates herself for sleeping in his bed, yet nothing happens?  Again, let me refresh your memory....you threw up on him and passed out!!

On pg 70, what is the size of a tennis court?  The room or the newspaper?  From the way it's worded, I'd say the paper.

Pg 71:  Why is she so concerned, all of a sudden, about the fact K might think she's had a one-night stand?  K probably thinks 'it's about damn time...'

Why does he sound guilty for ordering breakfast?  Or mad at her because her hair is wet?  And she says she couldn't locate the dryer.  How many hotels has this author been in?  They are ALWAYS in the bathroom, and in CLEAR VIEW!  It wouldn't be in the bedroom, you idiot!

Pg 72:  I've heard that some of this was taken from a certain vampire movie, and some of the conversation is familiar.....

And if someone told my they wanted to bite my lip, I wouldn't find it the 'sexiest thing I'd ever heard'....no, I can think of a lot more!

Same on pg 74.  "Once you know the truth, you'll probably never want to see me again..."  Dumbass.  And why does she jump to the conclusion he's impotent?  Oh yeah, that's the first thing I automatically assume when someone's trying to rebuff me (eye roll).

Good God...she has the sudden desire to ask permission to leave the table??  Again, is she FIVE?

And was anyone else grossed out by the fact she uses HIS toothbrush?  Eeeeeuuuuuu......and why the hell does she admit it on the next page?

And it 'suddenly' dawns on her....'I've slept with him!'  Ummm, no you didn't.  You spent the night, yes.  But you were passed out, and he was a gentleman.  There IS a difference.

And that kiss in the elevator?  Do her hands stay pinned above her head even when he lets go?

At this point, I'm ready to stop reading this book.  But being the stubborn idiot, I'm plowing through....and yes, took three days off from it.

Currently Reading:  Hello Kitty Must Die was a fun read!  I really enjoyed it, so go over to amazon and pick this one up:)  I'm currently reading The Senator's Wife by Karen Robards.  I'm about halfway through it.  I need to charge my Kindle; I'm reading a Wendy Zwaduk book and can't remember if it's Learning How To Bend or Right Where I Belong.


Liz said...

well...you know, the "dream cast" is all over CNN today. so we must be too picky? don't get me wrong, I could not get past chapter1!!!!!

Amber Skyze said...

I don't understand why everyone is loving this book. I'm disgusted with it, just from reading your posts. :)

Nicole Morgan said...

LOL...Goodness gracious what book are you reading? :)

Amber Skyze said...

And for the record there aren't too many people I know who wouldn't have a hangover with all that alcohol consumption.

Anonymous said...

I can guess which one it is. Are you going to force yourself to read the others?

Gave me a 2 day migraine just to read chapter one. That's when I know it's time to not read the book and just move on.

Nina Pierce said...

WHY don't I know which book this is? Picking a cast at CNN. Reviews all over the place. How did I miss being in the loop on this one? I'd love to read the sample on Amazon...my digging for information is not ifnished!

Anthology Authors said...

If this is the one I think it is, I made it through two pages, and that was a chore. LOL I'd say, "Kudos to you for slogging onward," but my real attitude is, "Why waste your time?" (g)


Molly Daniels said...

LOL:) I've been very close to throwing it across the room:) I didn't know they cast the movie; I hope whomever they get to write the screenplay does a better job.

And as for the 'buzz', it's still creating a draw to my table:) And maybe since this is spreading word of mouth, my steering them toward BETTER WRITTEN BDSM books, they will see the difference?

Molly Daniels said...

@Nicole: I've dubbed '50 sog' the Book Which Shall Not Be Named (BWSNBN)

@Kitty: No, this one alone is enough to convince me. The fact I own 2 copies is enough of my money they'll get.

@Nina: I'll gladly send you my marked up, highlighed copy when I'm finished, or the other one I'm using for promo purposes!

@Marci: I'm determined to finish so I can discuss it better with potential buyers. When I admitted over the weekend I was only on Ch six, everyone said, "Okay, then I won't spoil the ending for you." I might come off more credible if I can actually cite examples, other than the first 6 chapters.

Molly Daniels said...

@Amber: Thank you for confirming that belief:) Especially if one 'has never been drunk before'.

Janice Seagraves said...

The part about the blow dryer made me laugh. The last hotel I stayed at, the blow dryer was right there near the light switch in the bathroom. Kind of hard to miss.

Are you going to force yourself to read the rest of the books?


Molly Daniels said...

@Janice: Probably not. One bad book is enough! Two more and I'd probably have to be committed....;)

Fiona McGier said...

My 19-year-old daughter came home for the weekend and said her roomies are pushing for her to read the series. I told her to go ahead, but let me know what she thinks of it. I suffered through a book she had to read last semester for her lit class, and read it slightly ahead of her, so we could talk about it. I'm curious to see what she thinks of it.
I still haven't read anything that's made me want to waste my time, since life's too short to read badly-written books!

Molly Daniels said...

@Fiona: After she reads it, have her read Brynn Paulin's Brotherly Bonds for a compare/contrast. I guarantee she'll like BB better!

Tessie Bradford said...

Molly, your posts regarding said book are fanatstic!! I so appreciate you 'doing the dirty work' by reading and reporting on it because I'm quite certain if I tried, my blood pressure would elevate to dangerous levels!!

Molly Daniels said...

@Tessie: I've had to take a few days off; this last chapter gave me a strong urge to pitch it out the window!

Carrie said...

Molly, I gotta tell you, from previous experience, after a pitcher of margaritas at 31.4% abv and beer (don't care about the abv), she should have been falling down drunk! Seriously, this girl should have been falling off her chair! Possibly even puking before she left the bar...unless she is a regular drinker...meaning regularly consuming that much alcohol so that her body has a high tolerance.

Unless, of course, the margaritas were watered down, but I doubt it. Drunk people spend more money, and bars know this, lol!

As for the headache thing, if I don't drink water along with my beer (or other alcohol) at the rate of 1-3oz water per oz of alcohol (the higher the abv, the more water per oz, I need to have), I will end up with a hideous migraine, and you can forget about sleep!

But, then again, everyone handles alcohol differently, I guess, lol! :)