Currently Reading: Took a break from Mrs. Sato's book yesterday to begin Claire's Accidental Slave. I'm halfway through it and WOW...it is GOOD! Excellent prtrayal of how a person is introduced to the BSDM lifestyle, with hangups, concerns, etc expressed, and how patience can overcome fears. Not to mention a fantastic portrayal of office jealousies taken to the extreme! Hopefully today I'll finish it.
I'm on ch. 21 of Mrs. Sato's book, in which she talks about her married life, how her modern upbringing clashed with Shozo's traditional expectations, and I gotta say...there are some major similarities in my own marriage! Shows that some issues are timeless...Shozo expected her to be home when he arrived; to wait on him hand and foot; and was maybe disappointed because she was not dependant upon him for everything. In my early years, I remember being antsy if I arrived home and saw my spouse's car, and felt the need to tell him where I'd been or why I was late. And he still gripes about me not doing things 'as his mother did', and I keep reminding him I am nothing like her:)
Both daughters' marriages were arranged, and I am just getting to the part where Kazuko and Shozo, now empty-nesters, began to travel.
I need to call my dad; there is no copywrite page, and no publisher is listed. This is a book everyone should read, imho!
Why do some women, who come from non-abusive households, find themselves in either physical or emotional abusive relationships?
The spouse and I were relaxing on the porch, doing some reminiscing about different things, and this particular topic came up.
What sparked it was a humorous story about a close friend, who later admitted to me that her husband, before they were even married, had thrown her up against a wall, threatened her with his fist, and had her so badly scared, she didn't tell anyone! When I found out about it, my first response had been, "I can't believe you went through with the marriage!"
Spouse asked why, and I went on to relate some other issues this couple had had in the past, including his agreeing to get help when she finally DID make good on her threat to leave him. After four days at my house, her husband agreed to go to counseling, and even had the pastor of their church at their house on the extension as they spoke on the phone. They are still married; this was almost ten years ago, and no more violence has taken place (that I know of, anyway!)
This brought to mind the question of WHY this happened in the first place?
I always said that if a man EVER made a physical threat towards me, I would be out the door and never look back. BUT....in 1990, a control-freak got a hold of me emotionally, and it took me a year to realize he had no right to criticize my friends, my family, my past, or even my desire to write, and got out of the relationship. Yes, I had 'left' him three times, but returned, thinking he'd change, and being sweet-talked/romanced back into his life. But eventually I wised up.
Spouse said when he was doing the bar scene in his twenties (long before he met me), he observed girls/women he knew who regularly let their dates/lovers/boyfriends slam then around every Friday night, careful not to leave marks which could be seen.
Is it low self-esteem?
"But I looove him!"
Pattern of abuse not known in the household?
Brainwashing from the charming young stud who kisses them until they melt?
Thinking he'll change after they're married/been together for a while, ala 'taming the bad boy'?
Wake up, ladies...physical or emotional violence should NEVER be tolerated!