I Am NOT A 'Trad Wife'

 I'm having an issue with this article.

I happened upon it while waiting for the Spousal Unit to finish watching Superman so we could go grocery shopping.  Yeah, I know that sounds cliche, but just hear me out.

Here's my issue:  "Generally, a trad wife is someone who lives a family life with more traditional gender roles. They are usually stay-at-home moms who spend their days cooking, cleaning, and waiting to greet their partners like a 1950s pin-up housewife.  These women are largely evangelical Christians or Mormons who put God and the bible at the forefront of their decision to be subservient, or conservative women who herald their lifestyle as idyllic and tranquil."

It also goes on to say that people on a Certain Social Media outlet have seen their posts go viral for posting their 'perfect' Trad Wife image, you know, the June Cleaver-type of the 50s, where women supposedly cleaned their houses wearing dresses and pearls.  Used no birth control, and would faint at the word 'abortion'.

That's not me.

I grew up in a two-income household, and always 'assumed' my way of life would be the same.  Hubby and I would both work, and we would either go out to dinner, or I'd throw together a meal when I got home from work, or conveniently let the slow-cooker do all the work.

Didn't. Quite. Happen.

I married a man who worked 18 hours day, and when we ended up pregnant with Child #1, I was still looking for a job, and waitressing on the weekends.  I brought in maybe $200 each week, and wanted a job during M-F where I'd make upwards of $500 per week.  Which, back in 1991, was still 'big money' to me.

We did the math for daycare for the day when said child was 3 months old, and got a RUDE awakening.  To afford daycare for our precious child, it would take my entire paycheck and $20 of his.

So why the hell was I working?  We decided not to have strangers raising our child, and I became a Domestic Engineer, something I'd never intended to do.

I'll admit it; it took me 5 years to embrace the concept. I'd lost my identity; I was no longer Molly (insert real last name), social worker/DST/(insert whatever career choice at the time), but 'Kyle's Mom'...'Dan's Wife'.  Ugh.

We'd get together with neighbors, new acquaintances, and the minute someone asked 'what do you do?' and I'd answer 'stay-at-home mom', they'd get this LOOK on their face and suddenly leave to go find someone more 'interesting' to talk to.

Yes, it was humiliating. 

But then I went back to writing.  And by the time Child #2 arrived, I'd written 3 books.  By this time, hubby and I had decided I'd re-enter the workforce after Child #2 was in Kindergarten.  We bought a house in the country; I enjoyed being involved with the school and the community. 

Well, at least SOME of the community.  Our neighborhood women took issue with our ideas about parenting and pets, but I adapted.  For instance, I grew up in a neighborhood where dogs ran wild and were NOT penned up all day long.  These people had brought their city rules to the COUNTRY, and expected everyone to tie up their furbabies, or put them in kennels.  So we did, until part of the yard was fenced in.  My lab, however, learned she was able to jump the 4' fence and regularly went to visit a fellow lab across the street.  This was not objected to, as long as the others were still penned up. (We had a Norwegian Elkhound and a German Shepherd also).

After being involved with Little League Baseball, I quickly learned our neighborhood was NOT a representation of the community at large!

So by the time Child #2 was in school, a) we had access to the Internet; b) I discovered I enjoyed spending the hours between 9-2 writing; and c) I had ZERO desire to re-enter the workforce.  For one thing, it would mean at least an hour's commute one-way, and I'd have to drive down several hills in the wintertime.

I hate driving in snow and ice, but at least in town, the roads are plowed.  Out in the country?  Oh hell no! The first year we lived in our house, a snowstorm occurred while we were in town, and my car slid into the ditch twice, then reached halfway up the hill and threatened to slide back down. Fortunately, a neighbor was behind me and towed me up the hill.  Why would I want to take that chance twice a day? Nothankyouverymuch.....

Anyway,,,,LIFE happened, and in 2004, I gave birth to Child #3.  Financially, we were in a bad place, and my hubby's mother was in frail health, so we made the decision to move to our current town. I found someone to watch my 2 y/o and conducted a job search. Unfortunately, I was either Over-Qualified or Under-Qualified for everything I applied for, so decided to give it up and raise my toddler, shuttle my teenagers to and from school, and keep writing.  And it paid off; we had DSL internet by now, and I was able to finally connect with other writers.

SIDEBAR:  Through the years, I've also been approached by well-meaning others who have tried to get me involved in MLM schemes 'so you'll have something to do all day'.

You mean....BESIDES the Flylady cleaning schedule I followed, the 5+hours I spent writing, the evening TV shows I watched, besides the early morning news program (the TV was turned OFF (1999-2006 and 2008-12 from 9-4; I had to learn to write while Bob The Builder was on TV, ha ha!); the weekly grocery shopping; the daily cooking (we could only afford to eat out once or twice a week); and attending my teenager's scout meetings, football games, and any other extra-curricular activities I might have to take them to? 

Just writing that made me tired.....

This make shock you.  I'm actually Pro-Choice.  I believe in the Women's Right To Choose.  I CHOSE to have Child #3 (though I admit....the alternative DID cross my mind...).  I CHOSE to have Child #1, despite thinking we weren't quite ready.

Would I actually go through with it? Probably not.  I saw the videos in college, so I know what goes on. But that does NOT give me the right to frown on someone else's CHOICE.

"But it's murder....it's morally WRONG!"

I know.  Again, it's not MY body; it's HERS.

I'm also against the trans-movement, but I support my friends who go that route.  

I'm also a Conservative Christian who frowns on homosexuality. But I have close friends who lean that way.  Do I judge them? No. I love my friends, and even wrote a bi-curious book based on one of them. Why? Her story needed to be told, even though my parents were not happy I wrote it.