(phone rings)
Me (cheerful): Hi Mom!
Mom: Hi honey....I'm so sorry to have to tell you this.....your dad passed away this morning.
Me (in shock): WHAT? Noooooooo......
I stood up and went into my bedroom as Mom recounts how she found Dad slumped in the garage, called 9-1-1, and discovered he'd been gone for at least 3-4 hours.
We both cry on the phone, with me trying to choke out the words to D. We hang up, and my brain kicks into gear.
Step 1: Call work. Check.
Step 2: Call K and S. Check.
Step 3: Start planning what to pack, so I can leave ASAP, to go be with my mother.
My sister calls. "What are we going to do?"
Me: "I'm going up tonight. I'll have to (move in) stay up there for a while."
W: "Can you do that? Is that wise?"
Me: "She can't take care of herself! She needs someone with her!"
W: "Fair enough."
Kids begin arriving home; plans are being formed; my sense of humor kicks in.
"You know what this means, don't you? ROAD TRIP to Colorado this summer!"
(Dad wanted cremated, then his ashes sprinkled over the Continental Divide and RMNP)
D drives me up that evening. Can't remember if W, S, and A went along or not. I THINK they did. Members of Mom's Small Group Bible Study were there, sorting things, pulling out needed paperwork, doing laundry, organizing food.
Thurs Nov 21:
Errand Day
Discovered Dad's breakfast sandwich in the microwave, and also discovered I was not able to open the garage door! I ended up carefully pushing Mom out the front door, in order to get her into the van. Mom and I went to the funeral home and picked out the Memory package (guest book, pamphlets, keepsake bookmarks), as well as deciding to write the obituary once W arrives. Found a picture of Dad smiling to use for photo. Once home, sent out a frantic call to W's friend SA to come out and see what was wrong with the garage door. Discovered the emergency lever had been activated; S reversed it and we were able to open and close it again! Spent the rest of the day fielding phone calls and accepting flower and food deliveries. I left around 9 to pick up W at the airport, and was successful in doing so. We stayed up until 3am talking before going to bed.
Fri Nov 22:
Brainstormed about the obituary, and wrote the 1st draft. Went over it several times during the day, as we remembered other things which needed to be included. Pastor David came out to the house to talk to us.
Sat Nov 23:
Friends arrive, as well as my family, and Uncle George! Took K to the funeral home, so he could see the body bag and have his closure with his grandfather. Discovered the septic was backing up; found an angel to come out and fix the issue. My sister stayed with him, following him around outside as he found the fingers and the box, and snaked several drains to remove the blockage. Despite the noise (it sounded as if the entire house was going to collapse!), Mom was able to enjoy her visit with Uncle George, and arranged for a payment for the septic on Monday.
Sun Nov 24:
I'll admit to waking up weepy, compounded by finding a tube of Bryllcream on the bathroom shelf. Watched church on my laptop, and discovered Pastor Rob was praying/talking about Dad! We finalized the obit, and went over to the funeral home to deliver it, after one last run-through. Went over to church to talk over the service with Pastor Rob, only to discover our signals had gotten crossed, and he'd driven out to the house! We used the time to sketch out preliminary ideas for Dad's service, and I felt as if my input wasn't getting heard. Rather than make a scene, I simply went along with it, then vented to Mom privately after W went to bed.....or so I thought.
She came out and caught part of it, then went off the deep end, yelling at me, calling C to change her ticket to Thurs. The three of us hashed it out, with me feeling like a heel, but at the same time, managed to shut her up by telling her I didn't appreciate her treating me like one of her clients. I apologized to Mom for the scene, but also informed my sister that 1) I was tired and 2) most of what I was saying was off the top of my head and I probably wasn't going to remember most of it anyway. I was just venting my feelings of feeling shut out, emotional, and very irrational at the moment. I also mentioned the fact that back in 1995, W had 'shushed' me several times during G'ma's service, so I felt I had to hold in my emotions when I was around her, so I wouldn't embarrass her again. W didn't remember that, and apologized for her juvenile behavior back then; we were free to mourn however we wanted.
Mon Nov 25:
Funeral home phoned to say cremation was complete, and everything would be ready for the service on Tuesday. K, S, and A arrived. We took Dad's theological books to the church and set them up, as well as the 'memory board' we'd put together.
Tues Nov 26:
Beautiful service and luncheon! My SIL arrived with D and W, Erica was there....Uncles Bill and Ed...and several friends! Steve and Heather H, Jerry and Louise B....and even Brian C showed up, which meant more to me than he'll ever know!
A few other 'testy' moments came back at the house, when it was revealed S resented being 'voluntold' to pick up the deli trays at the store, and my SIL was 'fuming' because I let W push Mom up and down the aisle at church. What she hadn't seen was the fact I pushed mom down to the luncheon, and fixed her food for her. I didn't care who pushed Mom around, or sat by her....because MY family was there, while HERS wasn't! So I was perfectly fine with W sitting beside Mom! D talked her 'down from the ledge', and all was well again.
Later that evening, A entertained us as we laughed, sang 'Dad' songs to YouTube, and she danced around.
Wed Nov 27:
Really not sure what we did.....
Thurs Nov 28 Thanksgiving Day:
Had a very subdued day. We cooked the turkey and just relaxed. I packed a bag to return home and work the next four days.
Fri-Sun, Nov 29-31:
I worked Black Friday Weekend, and discovered A's concert was to be Monday the 1st. I was scheduled to work, but managed to get Khadija to cover for me so I could go. Talked to HR about filing the paperwork for my leave, and discovered I could be left off the schedule for 8 weeks.
Friday Dec 5:
Drove home via rental car, sending W into a panic when I didn't get away as early as planned. I actually passed them on 231, beating them to Cumberland Pt for our appointment, which calmed her down. We toured two rooms, then figured out which one would be in Mom's budget. Returned my car, then went back to the house and packed an overnight bag. Drove to Indy and checked into the Holiday Inn, since W had to be at the airport at 4am to catch her flight.
Sat Dec 6:
Woke up to a 5 page letter from W,
Mom and I drove to Terre Haute and celebrated K's birthday at GC, in compliance with W's decree that 'Mom was finished paying for everyone!'
Sun Dec 7-Jan 23, 2020
Mom and I decorated the house; tried to follow her 'normal' schedule, but the temperatures dropped; snow fell for one day; I was getting stressed, due to not being able to get Mom out of the house, or doing it and being cold and irritable. Thankfully, a neighbor took his snowblower and cleared our driveway and car, but I deeply resented having to drive in the cold and snow, and actually got mad at my dad for forcing me to do something I didn't want to mess with! The family came up for Christmas, but once again, it was a subdued affair. If it hadn't been for A and Wm, I think we might have skipped it altogether.
One of Mom's friends offered to go pick up W from the airport, and due to the weather, I accepted his offer, then tagged along. I soon realized I should have just driven myself when 1) he was late and 2) his driving scared me! When we arrived, he looked up her flight info and discovered her flight was delayed an hour. Instead of letting me out, CS decided to go sit in the 'Cell phone lot'....then find the bathroom and get a drink. The 2nd time, we checked, I was just about to get out of the car when W called, then located us. The trip back was harrowing; W kept him engaged (so he could stay awake??) while I navigated and prayed the entire time we'd make it back safely! Again, Mom, W and I stayed up until 3am.
Fri Jan 24, 2020:
Not entirely sure what we did all day, other than talk, but W took us out to Red Lobster for dinner (my late birthday dinner). Think we also grocery-shopped after dropping Mom back at home.
Sat Jan 25-31st:
I returned home and met with my boss(es) about my projected return date. Discovered I am missed by Sandy, Aggie, Cindy, MK, Marci, Sacred, Mel, Kem, and Darren:) Cassie, not so much, lol, or the others who had been hired on right before I left. Spent the week dealing with family issues, working on the sample chapter book, and getting it formatted. Went to karaoke on Thurs and sang Uptown Funk, F'n Perfect, and I Believe by Lauren Dailes. My karaoke buds were happy to see me:) Drove back the next day and was there by noon. Discovered the 'time line' had been moved up; Mom was going to move March 2nd. W showed me her 'cabinet', where everything she needed shipped was housed. I was very upset to learn she was taking custody of the Axyl Rose yearbook; I wanted it! Compromised by taking pictures of 'his' page, and took custody of his 8th grade track pic. Mom wanted to take us out to dinner, so we went to Mountain Jacks for an early Valentine's Day dinner, that W paid for. Since we had to leave at 4am, I crawled into bed with my clothes on for a four hour nap.
Sat Feb 1, 2020:
Drove W to the airport with only one mishap....I had to swerve to avoid missing a concrete center barrier, which freaked her out, but there wasn't any traffic around us; I was tired and had overcompensated. Dropped her off, put gas in the van, grabbed a sweet tea and two candy bars, and drove home for more sleep.
Sun Feb 2-5th:
Enjoyed the Super Bowl, even though I missed most of the 3rd quarter by taking Mom's friend Cathy C home. Took a load to Goodwill, then spent the next several days finalizing my 'Starter Collection' cover. Went to Indy on the 5th to meet D, and after his machine check and Cardio check, enjoyed Cracker Barrel for dinner, then left my truck there and went to Noblesville for both our appointments. Accidentally 'hijacked' D's appt, since I was showing D my foot when Dr. S walked in! I do NOT have diabetes, and he didn't think it was cancer, so he referred me to a wound care center AND called in a script for my thyroid meds. After we left, the snow was falling, so met Kris at CB to give her the pics I'd printed off, and after D gassed me up, drove home SLOWLY. Flurries in Indy; freezing rain in Whitestown; slush at Frankfort. Then I pulled onto 625 and not only fish-tailed, but nearly hit two deer.
I was EXPECTING Mom to have been picked up for lunch, then brought back to the house for packing party. What happened was, I had neglected to remind everyone her house key was on the table by the door. As a result, she called me at noon to tell me she was locked out, and was being taken back to CP. I called HER, but didn't get any answer. When I arrived back home, I called her again, and found out that yes, everyone had been informed, and I would defrost the van and come get her. Took me an hour. I even texted B to see if I could bribe HIM to do it.....he was at the Purdue game. Traitor. Anyway, I took the long way to CP and successfully got her home. Just pissed me off, because I'd sacrificed two hours of sleep in order to label all the cabinets in the kitchen. Oh well....
Feb 6-7:
Cancelled all appointments and spent two days going through Dad's DVDs and packing them up. W and K arrived; found out W is severely depressed.
Feb 8-14:
Had to make an emergency trip home to get my Teen some help, then learned later one appointment wasn't kept. He did have a positive experience at 2nd appointment, so there's hope! Discovered Kirk Douglass died, and so did Evan Twitty, a local celeb. Spent a quiet V-day with Mom. Was distressed to learn our long-time pizza delivery man, Tinker, passed away.
Feb 15-21:
With all the bad news lately, decided to set up my new turntable and start playing the LPs:) Began with Saturday Night Fever and worked my way to Cher, Shaun Cassidy, and some childhood faves:) Top news of the week: Indiana Beach will be closed. Monticello, In and surrounding community is in mourning.
Feb 22-28:
Went to karaoke and did an Olivia Newton-John night. Sang Let Me Be There, Please Mr Please, and If You Love Me Let Me Know. Also did Will You Be There by Heart. Went to BoilerCon and hung out with Brian Morris for three hours:) My copies of Starter Collection arrived:)
Feb 29-March 8th:
D, K,J, and W arrived; D and I picked up my BIL at the airport. On the 29th, S and A arrived, and we began the HUGE task of unloading the den. Around 3:30. Erica and Faunia arrived, and the 11 of us went to dinner at Outback, to celebrate W's 16th birthday. Was sooooo good to see E and F! March 1st, we discovered K had left with the storage unit keys, so E's house was the drop-off/pick up point. The 2nd, Helping Hands arrived to move Mom's furniture to CP. Think we ate lunch at Walt's, then returned home so Mom could go through more stuff. 3rd: I picked up Mom and took her to Social Security, to get her deposit switched. Had Arni's for dinner. 4th: Picked up Mom and went 1st to Grindstone Charley's for lunch, then dropped her off and went on a liquor box run. I cooked chicken and Chris cooked the pork chops. Went to karaoke and sang Come To My Window, Keep On Loving You, Listen To Your Heart, I Will Be, and Independence Day. 5th: C and S picked up Mom, since realtor was coming to the house. Discovered later that Mom's checkbook was missing....she'd written my check, then hadn't put her book in the purse. After we took her home that evening, after a delicious meal at Olive Garden, we discovered it wasn't in her room. I nearly had a meltdown, but C 'talked me off the ledge'. S had already left for home, since she had a drs appointment on the 6th. 6th: Took Mom's TV and radio to her, plus made copies of the two photos. Ordered waaaayyy too much Chinese food, but went to bed early, since had to get up at 4:30. 7th: Drove C to airport, then returned home and worked on my closet, finding Teddy; discovered W's dog was also in there, and some of the formal dresses W and I had worn. Had dinner with Mom, but I was so tired, had to come home and go to bed. 8th: Managed to get Mom's dresser and 'cube' into her closet, and tried to hook up her TV. Also put some books on her shelves.
Mar 9-15:
"The Best Laid Plans...." I went over and emptied 8 more boxes, placing all her knick-knack 'pretties' on the kitchenette shelves, and more books on her shelves. Cathy C came over with a pizza. On Tues the 10th, Mom's friend Alice (they went to church camp and A named her daughter 'Sally') arrived, and had a good chat. New guidelines were going to be imposed, due to the Corona virus, and everyone was going to be checked at the main entrance. Well, on Wed, I discovered NO VISITORS were allowed, not even family, so had to wait for Mom to be brought out. Took her to lunch and bought some of her Tena pads, then went on to Fackleman's for Bible Study. Afterward, Mom needed to potty again, and her Zinger was running low on battery, so took her back to C-pt. 1st she couldn't find the charger, then the battery died before she arrived at the front. Discovered doors were going to be locked at 6pm; it was already nearly 5. I was already over the day, so told Mom to stay there, and we'd do more on the 12th. I did find a Mother-of-the-groom dress at Davis Bridal, so after faxing my 'documentation' to Lowe's HR, I tried on the dress again and had my picture taken in it (I'd forgotten to take my phone in with me on the 10th). Mom said she'd pay half the $220, and D agreed to pay the other half.
Mar 16-24:
Coronavirus hits US....President declares Pandemic, and Indiana closes all schools, bars, and restaurants. We can only get food through the drive-through or carry out, and people have lost their minds. Toilet paper, Kleenex, cleaning supplies, meat, and chicken, as well as medicine, have been ransacked and being hoarded. Stores are limiting quantities and store hours.
Family arrived on 21st; we boxed items and donated a load; sent a load to storage; took a few items to G'ma, and then filled D's truck, S's Jeep, and the van to be brought home. Signed Dad's truck over to Patrick and he hauled a load off to be sold.
I spent Sunday on the couch, watching an SVU marathon and decompressing. Went over to Lowes and discovered my job is still available (thank you Steve!).
Monday the 23rd, S and I returned and finished emptying the den, Mom's room, and my old room. Governor announced Indiana was going on a 2 week state-wide lock down, so made the decision to spend the night. I put out the call; Kristin and Steve graciously allowed us to sleep in Alec's room. Got up on the 24th and emptied the storage room, the bathrooms, and took another load to G'ma; Wendy's things to storage; and another load to donation.
Loaded up the van with all the 'loose' stuff, and have three piles in the garage: a) Everything which comes home; b) G'ma's things; and c) Donation. Left a pile in the living room to be sent to the transfer station, as well as 4 empty storage containers in W's old room; Dad's bed in the master bedroom; and his desk and gun cabinet in the den. Also left an extensive note explaining what needed to be hauled off and what needed to stay. Dave the realtor put a lockbox on the front door; I called him and gave the instructions for the alarm code. Also made arrangements for Mom's mail and newspapers to be picked up by a neighbor for the next two weeks.
April 2nd:
Realtor called; he and Jerry had loaded up the wood stand in the back yard, then went into the house to check what was left, and had forgotten the code to the alarm system. I told him how to shut if off, so he did. 'Morty' is still behind the shed. Quarantine is now until the end of the month, so I won't be able to go up until May 1st.
UPDATE: Real estate is considered 'essential', so it IS okay for us to travel up to finish cleaning out the garage and 'rescue' Morty. Mom is insistent about this, plus wants more of her plastic boxes and the pouch with the Canadian currency and D and R's silver dollars.
Good news is, Mom's Retirement funds are now being deposited in the correct account! I should be able to contact the bank to close the other account, after I transfer the funds.
April 6th:
After repeated calls from my sis, Mom, and the realtor, I decided to make an emergency trip north. S went with me, and we took the donation stuff to GW, then a load to G'ma, including a trip through Payless for pads, snack items, and Easter candy. Returned back to house and loaded up the van with what we could....mainly the boxed and 'loose' items. Got slightly emotional as we watched Dave and Jerry break apart Dad's desk, the entertainment center, and the final shelf. All that's left is the cabinets in W's old room and I think the safe cabinet. D is going to see if GW will take the Craftmatic bed. S dragged Morty Moose into the garage. Arrived home around 9:30.
April 9th:
Chris texted me; I got fed up with D and forced the issue by calling K and asking if he'd be willing to help me and S finish up.
April 10th:
Woke up to a meme on FB that absolutely brought on a grief session. Went to work anyway and discovered I hadn't been paid for last week, which brought on more tears. Swallowed my emotion and clocked in (finally!), then just had one bad experience after another. I really should have stayed home today.....
April 11th:
Went north with a U-Haul trailer and packed up everything in the garage that we could. Delivered a load to Mom, then went to CVS for her. Arrived home at 9 pm.
April 12th (Easter Sunday):
Unpacked the van, U-Haul, and truck; called Mom when we sat down to dinner. Got a text later that she'd broken a tooth.
April 19th:
Was told the painters were finished, and it looked good! Stanley Steamer will clean carpets on the 20th, and the house cleaners will clean the bathrooms, the kitchen, and all windows on Wed. Looking as if we should have the house on the market by next week:)
April 20th:
Mom asked me to call, and when I did, she said she'd come to the conclusion that some of her stuff needed to go to storage. Problem is, I have the key. Talked to S and decided to go up on the 22nd to get the desk so we can put some of Mom's stuff in storage. Not sure if we're getting the bookshelf or not; depends on who goes with us, the weather, and what vehicle we take.
April 21st:
Something alarming happened. Realtor called, wanting to know where the bag with the house info/files were. Told him on the counter by the fridge; he claims it's not there. WTH??? Hoping Jerry didn't take it and trash it.....will find out tomorrow, when S and I go up.
April 22nd:
Arrived; went to the house and everything is painted WHITE! Even the bright red bathroom, my blue bedroom, and W's pink one. White. And....no tote. Reaaaally hoping J didn't trash it. The safe cabinet and bed are still in garage.
Went to Mom's and picked up her boxes and handed her the tax forms to sign. She wrote the check to the accountants, and handed me two checks to deposit. We went first to storage and put the roll top desk in the van, and rearranged the storage unit a bit more. Then mailed the TDS equipment back, and deposited the checks, as well as dropped off the tax forms and check back to accountant. Went back to Mom and S showed her how to use her computer, then we left. Stopped at Panda Express for S, then to Popeye's for D. I ate chicken tenders. Stopped at the truck stop to top off the tank and get some candy, and came home.
April 24th:
Mom's house is on the market! Mom texted she'd signed the papers listing it for $134,900. Said that the neighbor who mowed the lawn and his g/f had spent an hour with Dave on Thurs in the house and talking. I'm slightly uneasy about that; they both struck W and I as sketchy and rather unreliable. We'd like whomever buys the house to take care of it, and love it as much as we do. Really
praying the right buyer comes along.
April 26th:
Offer was made; counter offer accepted! The new buyers are going through USDA, so house has to be inspected to see if it meets USDA requirements.
May 1st:
Inspection Report: Mold in attic; needs another vent. Soffit on porch needs replaced, as well as support post.
May 22nd:
Buyer lost job, but gained new one. Closing pushed back to July 3rd, so can show lenders proof of employment income.
June:
I don't remember the exact date, but received a phone call from realtor: According to USDA regulation code, our well is too close to the septic system, DESPITE the county being okay with it AND the water testing okay. Cost: $5500 to drill new well and cap the old one.
I was furious, and said 'no, there HAS to be a grandfather clause SOMEWHERE.' Mom agreed, and the next day, she told the realtor no, she was not putting any more $$ into the house. Find a new buyer.
The day it went back on the market, Dave had 6 potential buyers, and one even offered $145K for it 'as is'. SOLD! Closing is set for July 23rd.
July 13:
Dave texted me and asked if I could be there Friday the 17th at noon. I said yes, then spent the next two days finding someone to cover my shift! Gracie said she would, and Tasha approved it.
July 17th:
Sara and I left at 7am; had breakfast at BK in Sullivan, gassed up at Loves, and was in West Lafayette by 10:30. Mailed the train to Mr. D, then went to see Mom. She wasn't able to go with us to the closing, due to intestinal issues, but she handed over the credit card and the pertinent info we might need. Drove to Arby's for a bathroom break and to get another drink, then to Columbia Title and had to wait on the buyer, who showed up around 12:30. He seems like a nice guy; single dad with a 23 y/o daughter and 3 month old grandson. He works nights at WWS, a feeder company for SIA. and loves the area, the swingset and climbing tower, and the layout of the house. I only slightly teared up when I congratulated him and told him I hoped he loved it as much as we do. Signed the papers and was told to return in an hour or so for the check. It saddens me to know that a smoker has bought our house. Maybe he'll smoke outside???
Some of my author friends were in town, so we drove over to 9 Irish Brothers on SR 38 and met them for lunch. I wasn't hungry, so only had Irish Cream Cheesecake, but Sara ate a BLT. After parting ways, S and I returned to CT and collected the check, then I called Merrill Lynch to see if they were in the office. They weren't, but we set up a meeting for when I return in 2 weeks. I then drove downtown to Chase, to close out Mom's secondary account. Then, I tried to go get my blood drawn, but discovered you have to make an appointment now; they're not accepting walk ins. Went to Walgreens to use the bathroom and to buy S some Advil, then went to the West Side Walt's for dinner. I had a flatbread pizza; S had a chocolate brownie dessert. Ordered Mom's Ribeye sandwich and took it to her. Drove to Crawfordsville for another pit stop and large tea before heading home.
Mom told us Dave had called; apparently someone broke into the house and cut a hole in the ceiling; another one in a wall; put a padlock on the shed out back; and did something to the garage. Dave's going to investigate and find out what happened.
Discovered gas in Covington was $2.15, so stopped to top off the tank. Arrived home around 9:30.
July 18th:
W called; apparently the new homeowner tried to drop off a load at his new home and discovered the damage. I texted John Ricks, who's on the Sheriff's Dept, who told me it was no longer our concern. Later that night, Mom called again and said she went ahead and filed a police report, and an insurance claim.
July 19th:
W called; apparently the 'break in' was actually the BANK, because Mom was behind on the line of credit aka 2nd mortgage, so the bank 'secured the property'. Geez.....
July 20th:
I called both State Farm and Merrill Lynch; the damage is going to cost around $750 to fix, so with Mom's $1K deductible, we don't need to pursue the claim. ML is going to send me a mailing label to overnight the check.
July 21st:
Managed to download the form to sign, but the mailing label won't cooperate.
July 22nd:
Mailing label cooperates; I'll send everything on Thurs.
July 23rd:
Faxed the form to ML and the cancellation form to Fidelity Life Insurance (I have to die in an accident, so we decided not to keep paying on this policy!), then overnighted the check to ML.
July 24th:
ML called; check arrived safely. Mom called; her room phone has no dial tone, and isn't ringing. The one by the bed has a dial tone, but not ringing. Strange.....
July 28th:
CP called; Mom has degenerative discs in her neck; is in pain. Had X-ray and is on Flexerill....which is apparently causing hallucinations. First she insisted that I was there, and the entire family had a party in her room. Then later, when asked about her neck X-ray, she said she'd seen Sheila Klinker and didn't understand why S didn't stop to talk to her. They did get her phone working again, which is good. I need to let her know I'll be up there on the 31st.
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