Monday, December 27, 2021

My Grief Journey, 2020 (Pt.2)

April 2020:

I'm back at home; with Covid-19 paranoia running rampant, Mom is sequestered inside the assisted living facility; we moved her in March 1st and twelve days later, she wasn't allowed out (which proved to be a blessing; we were able to move things out of the house much faster!), and then by the 22nd, the entire state went on lock down, and 'shelter in place' went into effect.  I returned to work March 31st.

July 17, 2020:
House is officially sold!  Very bittersweet day, but the new owner has a grandchild who is THRILLED with the swing set and climbing tower in the back yard!  All I have to do is pay off the final electric bill.  I hope they cherish the house the way we do.

July 31, 2020:
Cumberland Pointe is allowing visitation!  Since Mom's birthday is Aug 1st, I scheduled an hour appointment for today, and another one for tomorrow.  Mom looks good; just a bit 'shaggy', since I've not been able to 'spring' her to go get her hair done.

Aug 1, 2020:
Had an enjoyable visit; took her a dozen yellow roses and a balloon, plus a cinnamon roll from Christo's.  Wendy called in, so Mom got to talk to us both, and we sang her happy birthday.  Wendy had also sent a dozen yellow roses, so Mom felt very pampered and not alone.  I also spent an hour outside her window, talking to her on the phone.  Tried to make an appointment for tomorrow, but all booked up.  Will try to make this a monthly event.

Sept 19, 2020:
Arrived late, due to son K's blackbelt test, and collected friend Angela, who was here from ND, visitng her new grandchild, and went to dinner at Texas Road House, to celebrate Adopted Daughter Reagan's 29th birthday.  Then we headed to the Eagles for karaoke.  Returned Angie to Rossville at 1am.

Sept 20, 2020:
Watched L&O: SVU until it was time to order Mom's ribeye sandwich from Walt's.  Spent 45 minutes outside her window, chatting on the phone before it was time for our face-to-face.  Had an even better time once inside, and at the end, I realized the nurse had her back turned, so gave Mom a side hug really fast, and kissed her head, forgetting I had the damn mask on!  Then went back to Walt's and ordered my pizza, then took it back to the room and watched more SVU and Big Brother All Stars:)  

Sept 21, 2020:
Stopped by Mom's room briefly before heading out of town.  Will return Oct 19th and Nov 20th.

Oct 18-20:
Did some grocery shopping for Mom (pads, kleenex, Immodium, candy) and went to storage to find her clothes (found the Christmas ones!) and her nebulizer on Sunday, then had a face-to-face on Mon, plus checked out the roses both Wendy and I had sent.  Took her a Subway sandwich; she's craving fast food!  Tues, showed off my haircut before I left for home.

Nov 10:
Mom wanted me to come up today and take her to the drs...but when I arrived, her appt had been cancelled.  I rented a larger storage unit, plus went to Walmart for her (she needed an alarm clock and more pads).  Had a Face-to-Face, in which I realized that as of 11pm tonight, it has been a year since I last heard 
Dad's voice.  Then I left and went to the Medical Supply place to see about a chair, and found one for $2663.  I'll return the weekend of the 20th, and hopefully move everything from the 5x15 into the 10x10 unit.

Nov 20:
Shared an enjoyable hour with Mom, then checked into motel.  Unfortunately, the medical supply place isn't open on Sat, so will have to return Monday.

Nov 21-22:
While waiting for the family to arrive, I began dragging things out of the storage unit and separating into piles.  3 hours and 4 truckloads later, it was transferred into the larger unit, and I took a few things to Goodwill.  Sara and Co. decided to spend the night, so after a trip for them to see her, we checked her into the motel, and Alex and I went to the pool.  A little boy told her she was beautiful and that he loved her!  Convinced A to get out of pool and go eat, and went to Olive Garden.  P and S got food poisoning later; we all pooled, then went upstairs.

I left at 7 am on Sunday and drove to work.

Nov 23:  Left at 10; met Rita for lunch at Arni's (350 S), then took Mom's pizza and salad to her.  Picked up the blank check and the vaporizer she didn't want, and went to Drayer Medical Supply to order her chair.  Then went to Walmart to return her items, and was on the road by 5:30.  Arrived home around 8:30. 

Dec 20th:
Left at 10:30; dropped off Christmas tree and cookies and RS candy; picked up mom's CC and 4 boxes.  Took 3 of the boxes to storage; went to Menards for Will's present (weighted blanket), then to Walmart for Mom's pads and some other odds and ends.  Delivered the CC and the pads to mom, then went to her window and spoke for 30 mins.  Checked into motel at 5, then met Rita, Brian and Cookie for dinner at Red Lobster.  Went back to motel and showered, then watched TSO show and SVU.  Left on 21st at 9:30 am.

2021:
March 21st:
Had broken my arm in Feb, and had to return for follow up, and thought only 'essential caretakers' were allowed in Mom's ROOM for up to two hours, but Mom called, wanting to know if I could come up a day early, to help her finish getting the room ready for the couch/chair swap.  I did....and discovered that 2 people can be in there as long as we want!  Reagan met me at the room, and when I finally hugged Mom....I burst into tears.  It felt so good to have a full body hug, not just a quick side hug on the sly.

We took two carts' worth to storage and brought back her Easter wreath.  On Monday, her chair was delivered; D and W arrived and W was so happy to hug and kiss his Grandma!  We all went out to lunch (yes, she can also LEAVE!), so took her to Walt's Other Pub on the south side, so she could surprise Diane, her favorite server!  My BFF Rita and her daughter Kaitlynn were also there, and Mom picked up everyone's check:  "This is the 1st time I've been out in a YEAR.....let me do this!"

After lunch, I realized it was going longer than I'd expected, so D and W took Mom back while R and K took me to the dr's appt.  I'm healing nicely, and "Your body is good at throwing stitches!"  D picked me up and W said goodbye to G'ma, then they went home.  In the meantime, I'd gotten ahold of Steph, Mom's hairdresser, and made an appt for her on Tues.  I called in for Tues, and did some errands for Mom (Walmart, final payment on chair, and attempting to get another key made for storage-didn't work.  Had to swap out the locks and give her the extra key).  I swapped out the end table by the desk and the filing cabinet, then went through the items on the shelves by the window, which was mainly empty boxes.  But we DID find Great-Grandma's items and went through some of them before it was time to leave.  We got beautified, then had an early dinner at Panera.  Returned Mom to the facility, and I left the next morning.  I return again next month:)

April 13th:
Sara and I drove up to take Mom to her drs appt.  Brought her a pizza from Arni's, then she dressed and we left.  I went in with Mom while S waited in the car.  Afterward, we went to O'Charley's for dinner, then we took Mom home.  I gathered up her Easter stuff and we took it to storage, then drove home.  My mother has swallowed the 'Dr. F' kool-aid, asking me repeatedly to get vaccinated.  Ummm, no.  There have been too many side-effects after the second shot, and now they're saying we may have to have a third?  Plus, the J&J one has been pulled, due to people getting blood clots.  I'll wait til more research is done, or I'm forced:  Vaccinated, or fired.  I'll get it IF my job is in jeopardy.
  
April 26-27:
Spent the lunch hour with Mom, hanging up her clothing and swapping out the hangers, then FOUND her summer clothes in a tote bag in the closet!  Swapped out some of her heavy winter items for the lighter ones.  Charged up her laptop, and spoke to Mr. Dick, and watched Mom write cards.  I left for my dr's appt at 2:30, then checked into motel and had dinner with Rita at Hu Hot.  The next day, Mom went to PT while I cleaned out over a years' worth of emails, and showed her how to log on.  She and I then went to lunch at Christo's and mailed her cards.  Took her up Happy Hollow Road, so she could see her favorite redbuds, then we stopped by the Silver Dipper for ice cream.  Took a crate and a box of Christmas cards to the car; I'll put them in storage next time I'm up.  Then met Brian C for dinner at Nobel Romans before returning to the motel room.  Left early on the 28th.

May :
Took Mom to the dentist, then ate a late lunch/early dinner at Olive Garden.  Returned her to CP, then I checked into my room.  The next day, I took her to get our hair done, then lunch at Subway.  Took her back to CP while I went shopping for her, then we finished the day at Red Lobster.  Left for home the next morning.

June 27-29:  
Took Alex with me; she curled up in G'ma's lap for a solid 5 minutes!  Picked up Pizza Hut for dinner, then left and checked into hotel.  Monday, dropped off van at Prime, then they shuttled me over to Avis to pick up rental, an Acadia! After figuring out how to fold down the back seats and even put the thing in gear, grabbed b'fast at BK (pancakes for A; my usual), then took G'ma to dentist, then to Cracker Barrel, where we met Rita and her dad, and Kris and Megan.  Mom was thrilled to see Kris!  I drove Mom and A back to CP, then went to my appointment.  Got discharged; he was happy with my x-ray and progress!  Called Rita to meet me at Avis, and reluctantly turned in my rental.  R drove me back to Prime, where I picked up my van.  Drove back to CP, where I picked up KFC for Mom, then met Reagan at BW3.  She took A swimming while I shopped for Mom.  Tues, checked out of hotel and went through BK for me, then Starbucks (A:  Mocha Frappe with x-tra caramel; Vanilla latte for me, and 2 Birthday cake pops).  Picked up Mom and went to have her hair done, and A got a few inches cut from hers.  Picked up McDs, then took her through the post office drop box, then back to CP.  Left Lafayette at 1:45 and called my boss to let them know I'd be there around 5-ish.  Made it back by 5:30, due to two heavy rain pockets.

July 27th:
Drove up and brought Mom a yellow rose, a cinnamon bun from Christo's, and a vanilla shake.  She loved the books (CG), though she pointed out a typo.  OOPS!!  I went grocery shopping for her, then picked her up and met BJC at Texas Rdhouse.  Had a wonderful dinner, and celebrated both their birthdays...B's the 29th and Mom's the 1st.  B even got on the saddle!  After returning Mom to CP, drove to Rita's house and crashed at her house.  Watched the Olympic team finals, then got up the next morning and drove home, stopping briefly at Erica's house.

Sept 3rd:
Had conference call with W, Mom, and ML.  Turns out Mom is still in good shape; W called me in a panic two weeks ago, convinced Mom needs to move in with me in 2 years.  Turns out, the only thing that really needs to happen is we need to invest the $54-64K in one of two mutual funds...one earns 1.5%, while the other is a little more risky at 2.5%.  Now, I just need her to calm down about the stuff in the storage.  I went up on the 1st and got some items I didn't want disappear, like the kiddie desk, the Snow White furniture, a few books, and some knick-knacks and family history stuff.  Now I just need to figure out where to put it.  W texted earlier if I wanted the lamp by Mom's bed, the decorative one I have a love-hate relationship with....I hated to dust the thing, but it's pretty!  She plans to take Mom to storage tomorrow to start sifting through stuff; the last time I left W alone with Mom, the stuff I wanted disappeared.  The only things I couldn't pull out were the VHS tapes in the back corner near the Hummel cabinet (mine) and the two skinny bookcases (mine).   I'm going up Wed the 8th and staying through the morning of the 10th.  Hopefully she won't piss me off between now and then.  I really have no desire to drive up in the morning and be late to work M-T.

Sept 8th:
Arrived in town, and had my windshield chip fixed.  Met Mom at CP with Ann and Bob Mead.  W arrived and we went to Walt's Other Pub for late lunch/early dinner.  W left around 3:15 for her CV test, and I took Mom back to CP.  W and I went on an Arby's/Silver Dipper run and talked about plans for Thurs.  I drove to Rita's and spent a disappointing night, being overrun by her dogs.

Sept 9th:
After a rough night, I decided to take the $100 D put in my account and get a cheap motel, so checked into the Motel 6 (note to self....don't EVER stay here again!  My shower is broken; no towels; holes in floor and bedspread), then went to Mom's.  We went to storage and culled through some boxes, then went to lunch at Culvers.  I went with Mom back to CP and we cleared off her part of her desk, then changed clothes and drove to Covington to the Beef House.

Sept 10th:
W and I had a conference call with Sara, about how to reduce Mom's paper addiction, and came up with a plan. I checked out of the motel and showed the desk clerk/manager?? the photos of the deplorable conditions of room 211, and he was clearly appalled, and had no idea.  He ended up comping me a room for the next year.  We'll see if I have to use it.

We then took Mom to her eye dr's appt, and I tried to help W download an app so she can get back into Canada on Sat (her CV test came back neg, thank god!), and after trial and error, and figuring out how to change her Apple ID PW, she discovered her phone's too old for the app.  She called United Airlines and found out she can print out the form.  So instead of being rational (we could all go to lunch, drop Mom at CP, I could head south, and she could go to the library), she insisted it had to be done RIGHT NOW, and left for the library.  I tried to run Mom through Arby's, but the line was long, and her tummy was upset, so I dropped her off and headed home.  She's anticipating being home for Chelsea's wedding May 15th.

Another thing:  Mom's lost G'ma's diamond watch and wedding band.

Sept 21st:
Went up and took Mom to cardiology appt, then to get her glasses, and I went to the candy store for some caramel corn (dark side) and 3 delicious truffles:  Maple Buttercream, Mint Buttercream, and Irish Coffee. We reported the jewelry missing.  As I was driving back, Mom texted; jewelry was found!  It was on her round table by her chair.

Oct 23rd:
Took K, J, B, and A up to surprise Mom and take her to her eye dr; she's still seeing double.  Sent K in to get her, and she was very happy to see him!  Her Zinger blew a tire, so she's using a regular wheelchair, and having him along to help load/unload was a godsend.  While Mom was at the eye dr, the rest of us went to the candy store and got some truffles, caramel corn, and some marshmallow treats for A.  Then we went to Pepe's, where S (who had driven up the night before to see Reagan) joined us.  Afterward, she and A went shopping while the rest of us took Mom back to CP.  K and B stayed with her while J and I went to Walmart for her.  Left around 5, and followed S to Reagan's house until 7.  Went through Arby's, then drove home.  After we passed Sullivan, A got sick in the backseat, and had to stop at Carlisle to clean her up.  Got home around 10:30.  

I have to return Nov 5th to take Mom back to eye dr again.

Nov 5th:
Took Mom to the eye dr, who gave her another full examination.  Her new lenses should arrive in the next two weeks, so will have to return again soon.  After a quick trip into the candy shop for truffles and caramel corn, we had lunch at Arnis (both had Jr salads, so we could be out by 1).  Then went to see Stephanie to get beautified, and drove to Walmart to do some shopping for Mom:  Pads, water, magnesium, kettle chips, and Tylenol Arthritis.  Took her back to her room and put everything away, then wheeled her down to the dining room and left.  Took myself to Chipotle for dinner.  Got home around 10pm; I'd left around 7:30am, so it was long day!

Dec 8th:
Mom was supposed to have her hair done, but Steph's mom died unexpectedly, so I picked up her X-mas decorations and took them to her. Put away her clothes, and she was thrilled when I pulled out her X-mas sweaters! Went to Cracker Barrel for an early dinner, then took her back to the facility and put her Halloween decorations in my car.  Checked into the Quality Inn ($64 with discount, making it $76 for the night) and went to Walmart for her. 

Thursday, I met up with Brian Morris, his wife, and a friend of theirs for b'fast at CB, then went to O'Rears bakery for springerly cookies, and to Payless for a fruitcake.  Returned Mom's Halloween/T-Day decorations to storage, then delivered everything.  Mom was tired, so didn't decorate, but did go through a few things on her table. Left at 5 after pushing her down to the dining room.

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