Unvarnished Truth Pt 6

 Warning:  This post contains strong language directed at me, my choir, and people living in NYC.

Dec 2023:

I expressed my desire to travel to NYC with my cantata choir, and my spousal unit lost his mind.

"Are you CRAZY?  The f***ing illegals are shoving people into subways, traffic, and stabbing people!  You're going to get mugged!  I think it's a stupid idea, and whoever decided this trip ought to have their heads examined!"

"I'm going."

"I'm not giving you one f***ing DIME!"

"That's fine."

I used my extra income at the end of December to put down a $300 deposit and began praying.

Jan 2024:

I upped my hours to 30+ per week, and barely gave myself any spending $$ at all.  Every last cent was funneled toward my $600/mo payment, and called the travel agency to see if they would allow me to make payments over the phone. Thankfully, they agreed.....and by the end of January, had paid $400.

Feb 2024:

My sister called; she was going to begin helping me with my trip, and began sending me $200/mo.  Which was good, because my hours were cut in February.  I only scraped up an additional $150.  But with W's donation, it was $350.

March:

Hubby walked in as I was making my payment.

"I can't believe you're stupid enough to want to go. Do you not see on the news what's happening over there? Riots....a woman's cell phone was ripped out of her hand....NYC cops are quitting the force....you're going to come home in a body bag. Have you NO consideration for me or the kids?"

"Nothing's going to happen; we'll be in a GROUP!  I have NO intention of getting on the subway or wandering around by myself."

"I still think you're stupid."

I helped out with a fundraiser and earned myself over $50 to add to my total.  Hours picked up, plus we were granted a discretionary bonus.  All of that went toward the trip, plus another $200 from W.

April:

I worked a 2nd fundraisor, plus made a sign for my signings, a thermometer that showed how my travel earnings were going. The fundraiser netted each of us another $50, plus Paster Cheryl's grant was approved, so each of us received $350. I sold nearly 20 books during the eclipse; all of the funds went toward my total.  I received the news my final $1000 was due by May 1st; I didn't get paid until the 3rd.  I called the travel agency, who said yes, I could pay on the 3rd.

I appllied for and was granted a $500 credit card. I called one of my creditors and was granted a slightly less payment, and my earnings would round out the final $500. 

Family was still unsupportive, and even the kids were questioning, esp when I wasn't sure where the final $300 was, and thought about possibly borrowing $150 from each adult child.  My daughter, unfortunately, told her dad about our conversation; I'd been thinking out loud, and had floated the POSSIBILITY of borrowing it.

The spousal unit hit the roof.

"I called K and told him not to loan you one damn penny toward your trip. I'm against it; if you get hurt or killed, I'm going to sue the travel agency, the choir, the state of NY, the city of NY.  I may not have the funds to bring you home; you'll have to rot in the mortuary. There was a damn RIOT in Brooklyn yesterday!"

At this point, anything I said was just going to make him madder, so I shut up and didn't even try to point out the flaws in his logic.  We were never going NEAR Brooklyn; we were staying in Manhattan.

I did, however, have another private chat with my daughter.

"Why did you feel the need to tell Dad our conversation? I thought you supported my trip."

"I did, as long as you were paying for it yourself."

"I never ASKED you for money; I was thinking out loud IN CASE I couldn't come up with the final $2-300."

"Oh. Sorry Mom, I misunderstood."

May:

My credit card arrived; I maxxed it out on the 1st.  Two days later, I took the final $200 from my savings (my sister's donation) and $300 from my paycheck and made the final payment.  I also pushed back my bill payment to the 31st, when I'd next get paid, so I would have another $300 to spend in NYC. I also made a $200 payment on my credit card two weeks later, so I'd have extra funds available.

Things were looking up.  Then Monday May 20th happened. The spousal unit was paying bills.....and forgot about our vehicle registration due.  He only had $170 left; we needed $230.

I stupidly opened my mouth and told him I had the funds, if he paid half of his ($75) and I'd pay the rest and mine ($60).

"Why don't you pay the whole thing and I'll give you $100?"

So I did....and my $500 'fun money' went down to $290, because I needed to save $80 for my checked baggage ($40 each way).

Friday May 24th, I packed my bags and departed for Lafayette. My mom gave me $50 cash, which I used $40 to pay for the gas for my friend to take me to the airport. I also had $5.50 in quarters, in case I needed it.

Thurs May 30th:

I arrive home from a fantastic trip; I'm bubbling over with happiness, and I get greeted with 'Oh, you're home."

"See?  I survived."

"Yeah, but now I won't get your life insurance $$.  I was looking forward to being out of debt."

"I'm sorry; most men would be HAPPY their wives are alive, not murdered in NYC." (insert sarcasm) I continued to upack my car, with zero help from him.

I then 'dragged' him to OC for 90s Disney Trivia. We had a good time, some good food, and I wore my 'Ask Me About My Debut at Carnegie Hall' tee.  We sucked at the final 3 questions, but still had a good time, and I got to see several friends.

Oh, and got snarky when I arrived home, and took a selfie of me sitting in front of my house, ala 'I made it home safely'.

He saw it and commented about my selfishness and how 'it's always about you.'

Geez.  Grow up already.

Friday May 31st:

I was still off work, so we ran errands, I paid bills.  Didn't have enough to pay my phone bill ($45), but it wasn't due to be loaded until Monday.  I didn't sweat it.  Went to work on Sat, then had the concert on Sunday.  I asked the spousal unit if he was coming.

'Dave and Tammy are supposed to arrive, and HELL NO I'm not going! 

D and T arrived, and T thought about going with me, but D wasn't feeling well, so she stayed home, which turned out to be a good thing, since D ended up in the hospital the next day, with an infection in his G-tube.

The concert was good, and I returned home to a still grumpy spouse.

Mon June 3rd

I needed to reload my phone, and asked D, who was paying his 1st of the month bills, if he would do it. Thankfully, he agreed without too much grumbling.  That is, until later in the week, when we were talking about plans for granddaughter Alex's 12th birthday. I needed to pay $25 in order to set up Friday at our Brewery for the 1st Friday Art Walk, plus $125 for Superman Celebration on Sat.

"So you're not going to dinner with us Friday? Your own granddaughter's birthday? Shows what you think of her."

"I already spoke to her, and told her I'd give her her present when I get back."

"What are you doing Friday?  Waste of time." (Maybe, but I still sold 1 book)

"How much is it going to cost you to go down to Metropolis?"

"100" (I fudged a little)

"You've got that much $$ squirreled back?  Then pay me back the $45."

I gaped at him.

"I'm serious. Everyone thinks Dad has all this money. You went off to NYC with no consideration for anyone's feelings except your own. You're not making any money from your books; it's a waste of time and money. You should stay home and work your damn job.  You are NOT a celebrity;get over yourself."

Again, at this point, he was so worked up, there was no point in trying to argue with him.  

Wednesday, I walked out the door to go to a community meeting; he scoffed.

"Figures. Just as I started washing windows, you have somewhere else to be. Just like everyone else in this damn family....the work starts and everyone has somewhere else to be."

I walked out.

Thursday, I had to take my mom to an appointment, and didn't get home until around 1pm Friday.  I loaded up the car and went downtown at 4.  When I got home later, he told me about their meal at Tx Rdhouse and asked what time I was leaving in the morning.  

"Going to attempt to be on the road no later than 7am."

"I still say it's a waste of time."

Saturday morning, I got up at 6 and left the house by 7. Sold 8 books, spent $20 in gas, $15 for food before heading home, and spent $20 on a gift for Alex.  Was home around 10pm/

No word about paying him back for my phone bill; no more griping about NYC.

My two weeks of Hell seem to be over....until I went to karaoke the following Thursday.

Normally, when I leave, I tell him I'll be home around 10:30. Thursday, I said 'later', which set him off about my karaoke habit, and he accused me of going out 'whoring'.  I've heard it so much, I just roll my eyes and leave. I've sung karaoke nearly every week now for over 10 years, and I only go to sing. I don't even drink!  I'll have the occasional rum and coke if I have the extra funds, and will take a shot of tequila if my KJ buys me one (he likes me:). I used to have one or two lesbians who would claim to be my partner if I got hit on.  Hell lately, I can't even tell anymore when a guy's hitting me!  But anyway, I got home around 12:30 to a dark house. Normally he goes to bed at 1am, but the night I'm out late, he's in bed around midnight, then complains I woke him up.  *eye roll*

The past few days have been okay, though I expect another snide comment when granddaughter Olivia's birthday party is announced, and it looks as if I may be going to St. Louis with the daughter after all, since my Bonus Child isn't able to go, after all.

I've been married 33 years to this man; I'm normally able to let whatever he says go in one ear and out the other, but this constant harrassment since December has gotten to me so much, I had to vent it here.  He's 70 years old this year; I'm 58.