Thursday, November 12, 2009

Trying To Stay Positive

I'm normally an upbeat person. However, circumstances the last year has started to take its toll on me.

First there's the economic situation. 2007 was fantastic; my spouse worked from March until after Christmas. In 2008, he chose to not sign out of the Hall until late May, and while the summer months were tense, he did end up on a job he loved, and worked until Christmas. This year, he's only worked maybe twelve weeks.

The cut-off for a family of 5 to qualify for a middle school child's application to the 21st Scholorship is $47K. We over-qualified in 2007 by $5K, and just $200 over last year. This year, had the child been born in 1995 instead of '04, her college tuition would have been assured.

Secondly, there's my chosen profession. In 2007, I was able to attend a writer's conference and published my 2nd book. In 2008, I worked hard, both at writing and the promotion trail, and managed to out-sell the first book. I also received my first e-contract.

I began 2009 with high hopes; I signed the contract, worked hard on the edits, and rode the tidal wave of early publicity/promotion/sales. Sent off my next manuscript and waited.

I'm still waiting. Now granted, this ms is forty pages longer than the first one, but my emails are going unanswered. I don't want to badger the publisher, but I wish she'd let me know what chapter she was on, or at least her initial impressions!

And I'll admit; I'm not a 'favored author'; there are more authors in the paranormal genre than contemporary, and these are 'hot' right now. I'm also facing pressure from an angry spouse who insists 'you don't spend two weeks at #3 on the Best Seller's List and not make any money!' Apparently you can....and nothing I tell him seems to pacify him.

Remember: This is also the man who gripes about any money I spend toward promotion, or the time I take in order to further my sales. When I worked over the summer, he complained about my hours! I wish he'd make up his mind: Does he want me home, or making money? Apparently he wants both. Actually, he wants Rosie the Robot!

Then there's my health. I want to visit MY doctor, the one who knows my body's idiosyncrasies over the past 18 years, and who I trust. I don't want to have to train another doctor that I do know what I'm talking about when I say I have a sinus infection, even though the only sign is pain behind my right eye. Or that for the past 5 years my system has been screwed up and entering menapaus has thrown it entirely out of whack. And living on Advil for two weeks is definitely NOT normal. And neither is explaining to an already money-stressed household as to why certain feminine items are needed, when in previous years, one trip per month sufficed?
Besides, the spouse has regularly griped the docs in this town 'still practice medicine with beads and rattles!' If it's perfectly OK for him to still visit his cardiologist twice a year instead of getting a new one, why can't I see my OB-GYN once a year? Oh wait...his is life-threatening. How silly of me.

The stress is even affecting my friendships. I have one which has suffered because the other person is fed up with my spouse's attitude. Two others are suffering because the spouse can't stand them and refuses to pass along messages or even answer the phone if they call. I sit down to chat, or attend my weekly writer's group, and he suddenly is incapable of putting a nighttime pull-up on our youngest. Or suddenly feels the need to talk to me, and it absolutely cannot wait one more minute, even though he's not said a word to me in the past two hours!

Forgive the rant; usually when this happens, and I 'blow up' at Life, good news comes. If it does, I'll post it. In the meantime, check out the Writer's Evo blog for what life is like on the high side. I'm experiencing the down side at the moment. Or if you want to see me in a better mood, check out Kenzie's post on the same subject:)


Unknown said...

(((Hugs))) Don't they realize without mom life would fall down around them? You have to keep mom healthy and happy! I'm crossing my fingers you'll hear some good news soon.
If you ever want to vent offline email me. I'll listen. :)

Linda Kage said...

Life always loves to trying drag us down, doesn't it? I understand completely -- not with the same situation as you, but other things. It'll work through somehow, maybe not the way you think, but--sigh--somehow.

Here's good luck to you in your future.

Molly Daniels said...

Thanks Amber and Linda! Sometimes the frustration level just boils over onto the blog.

Today's devotions were about perserverance and keeping one's eyes on the goal! Guess I should have read it before I sat down at the computer, lol:)

Yes, sometimes I feel as if I'm slowly dying an agonizing death and no one seems to notice or care. And then I wonder if I'm simply being selfish. But damn it, when's MY TIME?

Anny Cook said...

After the kids are gone. It's a hard truth, but a truth anyway. Often things are most stressful when all the kids are still living at home. Then suddenly they're gone and things ease up.

In the meantime, sit down. Breathe. Have a cup of tea. And think of one thing you are grateful for today.

Regina Carlysle said...

((((((((HUGS)))))) Rant on, sweetie. Sometimes we just have to do that!